It's a Breezy thing...

Mothers Day..

2011-05-08T16:14:00.000-07:00

Lucky for me, I am a mother. I have 3 of the best kids on earth. I got silly and cute card, home made and real flowers and lots of love today. I'd have given my left leg for a nap today but thats the downfall of not having a live in dad.. I actually would have given my left hip to be honest, it hurts really bad today from running 13 miles yesterday. Hip pain?? Im getting old, sadness! Im only 30..

have the best mom in the world! She taught me everything I know and I credit all my good motherly traits to her. She was there when I woke up every morning, there with a snack for me when I got home from school and there to tuck me into bed every night. Happy Mothers Day to my beautiful mom.

Photo booth session with my boo..

2011-04-20T17:44:00.001-07:00

I love this kid!

A wild hair..

2011-04-17T15:36:00.000-07:00

Taming that wild hair on my head is almost a full time job! Seriously if it weren't for how I was raised I would imagine myself with a credit card in one hand and a cocktail in the other. Confessions of a Shopaholic makes it look so fun, until Derek Smeeth keeps calling.. Every now and again when that wild hair just can't be tamed, I put a hat on my head or I wear some bright purple zebra striped sweats.. These sweat pants look like they belong on a 50 something midlife crisis type lady. (giggling to myself because it made me think of something else, Ill tell you later) They're cute and wild and I like them. Ok, lets be honest.. I probably really will wear them out and about.

Now about what I wanted to tell you later that made me giggle.. I was up at an event one day a month or so ago and this cute blonde guy was there for one of the companies and he asked me for my #. Later on I was sitting in the company RV when he came in and one of the guys asked for certain kind of wrench and he didn't know what it was and a comment was made that saying he didn't know what that was would never catch him the Puma.. where they meaning I was a Puma??? I mean, I know I turned 30 and all. At least they didn't say Cougar! Although that blond hottie looked 19, he was actually 22.. wow, I got hit on by a 22 year old.

I've been divorced a little over 3 years now and why is it that every girl I know that got divorced after I did is either married already or getting married? I've got myself a problem I believe… I can't possibly imagine myself ever feeling in love enough or safe enough with someone to actually get married again. How do they know and trust enough to dive back in? I'd like to know.

Sunday thoughts...

2011-04-03T17:34:00.000-07:00

Ok my blog loves.. I tried the Dating story idea and then I quickly deleted because I am literally friends with all past crushes, loves, anyone I've gone on a date with basically, I have a thing for never having bitter endings.. and I might say... it's not always a good thing. I couldn't tell dating stories, I value friendships far more over embarrassing someone by them know what I really did think about the situation and why it didn't work. Sorry friends. One day I will loose all care and worry and write a book for you all to read. I will be happy to tell you my most very favorite most romantic/not so romantic dates though, it will be more fun.

On anther note.. I love when my parents driveway looks like this.

It means I am in very good company with my sweet and fun and adorable family.. family matters most right!

Check out the salon update... I am getting so close to opening, yet so far away.

My friends make me happy!

Baseball season is here.. I LOVE LOVE LOVE the ANGELS, they make me happy!

This time last year I was spending the week with Nick, relaxing, eating lots of food and having fun nights out with friends but the best part is always the mornings spent looking like we had both been run over by a truck and drinking Mt. Dew. Packing for his next adventure.. little did I know, that time, we were packing him up for heaven. I am having a hard week, wishing I could go back in time and feel him pull the covers over my shoulder because he thinks I'm cold, or our simple moments of silliness, holding his hand.. i remember exactly how his hand feels, how he smells and the sound of his voice, EXACTLY. Sometimes I think I see him and sometimes I think I can hear him talking in the distance, its weird but I love it. Rest in Peace my sweet lover friend, for in a few days it will have been 2 years since I heard the sound of your sexy voice. God Bless!

My Fast Food Friends..

2011-03-13T18:01:00.000-07:00

A few fun pics from my day today with my fast food friends.. I say that because as I have mentioned before that I met one of my best friends at a fast food restaraunt a few years ago.

It was just before school started for the kids a few summers ago and I was eating outside at this restaurant and so were J & L and their kids. Our kids started playing together and we have been friends ever since, you know when you meet someone and its just a soul sister thing immediately. J likes to tell everyone that I was hitting on him while L was in getting the food but thats not true, I turn bright red and feel embarrassed everytime they tell that story, which is exactly why they do. I love L.. We have taken the kids on adventures to Moab camping, overnighters in hotels and lots of day adventures. Whats interesting is 2 out of 3 of J & L's sweet girls are hearing impaired, along with J, the kids have never acted as though they even notice. One night we were sleeping over at J & L's and the girls took their hearing aids out for sleep time, you could here my kids talking away after the lights were off, L and I were laughing knowing the girls weren't hearing a single word. The best and cutest story ever, and I've told it before but Duncan connected to J right away. When we were camping Duncan followed J everywhere he went and talked away.. J and Duncan hung out on that trip, being the only boys and J probably couldn't hear what he was saying 75% of the time but Duncan just kept on talking. When Duncan got home from that trip he made hearing aids out of play dough and ended up in the doctors office. He wanted to be just like J. L and I have tooooo much fun together, most of our fun times together end up with stories we both swear to take to the grave. Ha!

Today we took the kids on a Sledding adventure..

Duncans first time flying a BEST kite.. Well, trying to anyway, the wind wasn't blowing like we wanted it too. J is a pro kiteboarder for BEST and now Duncan wants to be the same.

Some of the GIrls!

Our ride to the top of the sledding hill.

That was fun but I wouldn't take back todays 60 degree weather for anything! Summer needs to get here faster, I cannot wait to break out the swimming suits!

The Spa... and a bit of random moments in my life.

2011-03-12T17:08:00.000-08:00

Did I miss something? Duct tape shoes is the newest "in"? That is what I do with my evenings when I wish I could be watching american idol, or say... Desperate Housewives:(. My time for "me" will arrive again one day. Right now to my kids, duct tape shoes is whats important to them so thats whats important to me. We got this flame tape from our hero Roger and I went on a hunt at Home Depot and found more colors. Duncan chose hot pink??? UMMM YIKES! But he clearly knew what he was doing when he chose pink because he came down stairs frome his "mancave" and he had taped the sleeves of his Dodgers shirt, it actually looks pretty bad a**! My little mans got some style.

I can't begin to tell you how different this beautifying of an old home into a salon and spa venture has gone in comparison to how I thought it would go. It was supposed to open in a grand way on Valentine's Day... enough said. We are getting close though, hopefully completed with the re-model by the end of the month.

I cannot wait to show you more pics because it is changing daily in there.. the glittler floors are almost done and I currently have 1400lb, 3 flats, and 22 boxes that were supposed to show up Tuesday when the floors were dry so we could move them right in but my freight truck showed up 2 days earlier and I had to find a spot to store it.. Thanks Dad for letting me use your gallery. Now I just have to re-transport all that equipment AGAIN this week. The upside is.. I always find a way to solve the inconvenient problem and next week the installation of Pedi stations, hair stations, facial equipment etc.. will be installed and the spa will officially be rockin! If only I could find enough staff, anyone know of anyone? I have a few lined up but am always open to more options. I can't open a full spa with only myself and a few girls.. it just takes more, thats all there is too it. Wish me luck. Ill post more fun pic updates this week.

I just couldn't resist posting this masterful piece of artwork created by my incredibly talented 5 year old.. It is amazing and speaks so much to me just alone in itself as I look at it. Pure and utterly amazing creativity! Oh.. its a sheep I think. At least that is what I took from it, what does it look like to you? Let your imaginations run with this. One of the best parts about having kids, is the art work I accumulate and occasionally one here and there surprises me beyond my expectations and I am completely enchanted as I am with this piece. It's getting its own special frame and spot on a wall in my home. I love it!

Next up.. A bit of RANDOM. The love stuff, my person side of my life. Im convinced it's my problem for sure. I've met so many men that I feel like Im going through mini relationships as if they are running through kitchen faucet and last as long as it takes them to circle drain. It's

clearly my problem. Not sure what to do, but on the upside, I am purely happy and I am sure one day, as long as I keep my oura clean and clear and up there then I will be surprised one day by a man that is in the same boat and we will both be surprised by the meet-cute and fall madly in love. hahaha ya right! Well we can all have dreams right. You people have no idea what I really want to post about.. I worry about the readers that will realize (names or not) that I am writing about them and I worry, but who cares right?! It's my life, and boy it would be so fun to share. I have the most comical, random dating stories that are dying to come out and be free from my mind. I know you would enjoy.. I just need a little encouragement. I need to not care what they think, they had their chance and it didn't work, I took away from each dating experience with some seriously good stories, pee your pants kind, just ask my clients. I worry way too much what others may think which is the most shameful way to live, so push me to tell my stories and I just might. YOu will love it! Im dying to start, we will see. So here I am, sending out a WARNING to all you exes that I know read my blog, don't pretend that you don't. Either don't read or just be cool with my take on our experiences.. I could possibly be on to a good BOOK idea. Love you all, Goodnight! On to more Icarly on Nickalodean.. It's premier night, can't miss it.

Go fly a kite..

2011-02-25T17:45:00.000-08:00

Duncan and I went to the Superfly competition put on by Best Kites, we had fun and now Duncan thinks this is going to be his new hobbie. My friend Lauris husband flys for Best Kites so we went to support. All these kites in the sky look so cool! The picture shows only a portion of the kites that were there, and you should see whats attached to most of those kites... eyecandy! It's a funny story how I met Lauri but to make a long story short, I met her at a fast food restaurant. Lauri and her husband and I got talking and they decided to set me up with a fellow kiter (obviously that didn't turn out so great) and we have been great friends ever since. This is a little video of Duncan counting down for one of the races.

Sleeplessness and Valentines day...

2011-02-15T19:13:00.000-08:00

When my kids go with the ex, I don't sleep well. Sometimes I have nightmares and other times I feel like I never got into a deep sleep. So I go to the doc and talk him into some sleeping pills, that didn't work because when I take one I lay there and wait to feel if I'm tired and is it working? Then as Im falling asleep I think "oh yay, its workng and Im falling asleep" then I don't end up actually falling asleep. Analyzing the steps of falling asleep as Im going through them does not make falling asleep easy. When my babies are in their own beds in my house, I fall asleep instantly and sleep peacefully!!! Have I mentioned divorce sucks? only for certain reasons though because for other reasons, Im happier than I ever have been. Tonight is most likely going to be a bad night of Zzzzzz....

Yesterday was Valentines day. I love Vday because it's an extra day to tell my kids I love them lots and give them stuffed animals and I got to go paint faces at my daughters 1st grade Vday party. I'm officially the mom that paints faces at the school parties. So funny! I painted a lot of hearts and arrows. The girls all wanted sweet pink hearts and the boys wanted weird ones that were black and green and some of them wanted them painted on their neck instead of their cheek.. so I painted hearts on necks.. not sure how appropriat that was so if your kid came home with a black heart with a green arrow through it on their neck, so sorry. Haha!

So did I have a Valentine this year you ask?? Ummm yes. I said no gifts though so we went to dinner and desert then hit the streets of Park City on the Friday before Valentines. He did bring flowers.. how sweet. On actual Valentine's night, my friday night Valentine showed up with Pizza and the kids and I were excited.. me especially because that meant no cooking and I will admit, I had a tough day emotionally so it was nice to feel the love. "Valentine" walked back out to his truck and Duncan followed him and then ran back in and said "Mom, he brought lots of presents" so I look at Mr. Valentine and I said "I said no presents" and Mr. Valentine said "they're not for you". There were balloons and stuffed animals and snuggies and treats, all for my kids from Mr. Valentine. That was the best Valentines present a guy could give me.. He won some serious points that night. Oh, he did bring me some treats and a card that was cut in half.. the half I got I loved but the other half I didn't get he said would have freaked me out and I'm not ready for the other half of the card. Im not good with the love stuff... at all!! Smart man. He knows me better than I thought.

My Valentines gift to myself.. a long morning run. Fun Hu?

Painted the kids faces after school. Apparantely they thought it was halloween instead of Valentines Day.

London wanted to add the attitude and Lily wanted to be sweet.. I have a feeling this is a glimpse into my future with them. Yikes!

One last thing.. during the Justin Bieber movie london leaned over to me and said "I love LOVE mom, it makes me cry". Then she looked back at the screen while he was singing and looked back at me and said "I'm going to cry I think" and she layed into my arm and started crying. AAAwww so cute! Justin gave her that loving feeling. I don't blame her! He was floating around in a heart.

Im tweeting..

2011-02-14T14:40:00.001-08:00

I've finally joined the twitter craziness.. this could be my new addiction! So far I love it, how did it take me this long to download twitter on my iphone... so much fun. I am a tweetard though.. I have no idea yet how to comment on tweets or add my twitter link to my blog page. So... look for me and follow me and I'll follow you. Lets tweet!

On twitter I am...

thatbreezything

See you there!

5 follower..

2011-02-13T12:20:00.000-08:00

I just noticed I have 5 whole followers.. I follow a lot of you out there but didn't see myself as the followed type. Follow me, it might get fun.

Also, I've never tweeted or twitted or twotted. I might look into it and follow you there too.

Bieber fever & Usher Love...

2011-02-13T11:10:00.001-08:00

I took my girls to the Justin Bieber movie, they loved it, and SO DID I! All you haters wouldn't be haters if you saw the movie. It was sweet and inspirational, I kinda cried a little, actually. He was raised by a single mom, fyi. Usher just does it for me, always has and the fact that he was part of the whole Justin Bieber movement makes it that much better. <3usher<3

Since I'm admitting things like "I cried while watching the Justin Bieber movie".. I may as well admit I have a crush on Spencer from Icarly. I can't relate to the normal T.V. talk, the Bachelor, Housewives from wherever.. You want to talk about anything on Disney or Nickelodeon, Im in.

Any girl who gets this little man to be her Valentine someday is going to be one lucky girl. For now, He's my Valentine!

Happy Valentines Day!

Some stuff lately..

2011-02-01T18:29:00.000-08:00

This is a big slice of love straight out of my high school... I love this! They built a new Wasatch High so the old one I went to is just sitting there looking abandoned. This came out of the old gym and now its in my house.. A few slabs of wood and it's my new home office desk. I've always wanted to be a carpenter, this is my chance. Should be interesting!

My kids are Rockstars!

Seriously though.. Duncan sang me this song he wrote the other night.. I still have no words for it. Ill do my best to share what I can read

*The Sirens Go Off*

the sirens go off and nothing ever heard and when I hear your voice you're in danger now so I got to fly with all my might and body. I will never leave you behind and when I hear your voice something in my head was pounding like a drum, and I love you so you got to understand and I want to understand and it is too much. I'd drive through the night to find you. I did everything to find you. Now you need to do something. I am locked up, you need to come get me and I want to see you again.

The ground breaking for my spa, the contractor even brought me a pink hard hat.

My 3 little Cubs taking a rest on the bear rug at the Wildlife Museum.. Im pretty sure it was not allowed so I quickly snapped a pic..

Just a post..

2011-01-16T19:04:00.000-08:00

This week was a great one.. and a very tiring one as well. Monday was super busy at the salon and half way through I lost my lunch right in the middle of an appt..... good thing my clients loved me. It was a 12 hour work day and I had to cut it down to an 8 hour day due to continually loosing control of my stomach.. it was not fun or attractive in any sort of way. The next morning which was Tuesday, I packed up myself and the kids and took a road trip to a condo in Jackson Hole, Wy. It was strictly for the children because, call me crazy but.. a 4 hour drive with 3 kids and one me, is not exactly my idea of a relaxing get away. We went out to the Elk Refuges and came across not only a crap load of amazing elk but also some Big Horned Sheep and Antelope, Bald Eagles and a Coyote. We took a trip to the Wildlife Museum and to my surprise, the kids absolutely LOVED it! Being a famous artists daughter, I don't remember getting drug through the zillions of museums all over the world and truly enjoying one of them. I saw many famous pieces like the ones we studied in school. The Mona Lisa was not so cool at the time I saw it, I think I was about 15. Now, Id give anything to go back to all the amazing museums in Paris and London, New York and all over the world that I have already visited.. I just want to visit them at the age of 30 and appreciate them for what they are now that Im an adult. I was one Lucky and Privileged Child to have parents that sacrificed for me to be able have those experiences. After we got home from Jackson Hole I had a very long day of work on Friday 9am-11pm.. had to make up for lost work days. Dave took the kids for the weekend so I worked at the coffee shop, which I love to do. Had a ground breaking celebration and my Spa to be.. we slammed in walls with pink sledge hammers, decked out in pink hard hats and goggles and munched on goodies and drinks.. it was a very special event for me. I got to cut Pink ribbon and celebrate my hard work amongst loved ones and friends! I have the best people surrounding me in my life helping me create my dream.. I am a very lucky girl once again. I feel like I have been through hell and back recently and its about time I feel like my hard work and tears from painful losses are finally finding a happy ending. My goal is to make it a successful salon in midway and merge to a fabulous Glitter toe shack on a crowded beach in California.. just saying! Its a perfect dream, why not?! Later I was invited to my friends bday party at the Flying Sumo in Park City, where I spotted Christina Applegate and enjoyed an amazing dinner full of sushi and great old and new friends! Sunday I woke up late.. turned on a movie and snuggled with my doggy on the couch and took a nap. Got to pick up my loves aka Duncan, Lily and London and head to my moms for a family dinner.. could the weekend get better. I love my ever growing happy life. It is occasionally doomed with tears and my heart literally hurts at times.. I miss hearing Nicks voice! I miss my complete family, I am heartbroken in so many ways still, it takes time to find peace with it all but Im working on it and I am now at a place were Im having way more happy days than sad days.. right now it is more than I could ask for. I am trying really hard to keep a relationship together with the sweetest man on the planet but I am concerned I am still not ready and am not looking forward to hurting anyone or feeling hurt.. unfortunately that is the life of dating. I hope I can get over my deeply engrained issues and make something good of something special.. any ideas or words of advice please??!!! I am grateful for my blessings.. I need to live my life in a way that it shows God that I appreciate his hand in it all because I would be a fool to think I've done it on my own.. there are times more than not that I am sure there is only one set of footprints in the sand.

Fly..

2011-01-02T22:25:00.000-08:00

I came to win, to fight, to conquer, to thrive. I came to win, to survive, to prospure, to rise. To fly. - Nicki Monag (thanks Taylor)

My New years resolution: to win,to fight, to conquer, to thrive, to prospure, to rise, to fly.

I got the best new years kiss at midnight.. Most definitelly a happy new year so far!

HAPPY 2011!!!

Ordinary with a little extra..

2010-12-23T12:00:00.001-08:00

Be Extrodinary! Ordinary with a little extra!

I decided my life is like a book.. all our lives are like a book. Hopefully the book we are writing is one that we would be honored for someone to read when we are gone. I want to seperate my life into decades and have a book for each. This decade is coming to an end really soon.. it seems to be a book that I never want to end, yet I would never reread it to save my life...

What kind of book are you writing? What book are you passing down for someone to be proud of?

Ive made my share of mistakes this decade.. havent we all? But I know that some of the best things that Ill ever do, I did during this book. I started this book with a marriage, with trust and love and a soft heart. Somewhere in the middle I had a few kids, got divorced, fell in love and unwillingly learned to accept death.. for the first time questioning heaven, that was tough but I know its there.. it has to be! Met alot of people that what you see.. is absolutely not what you get, and a few that are absolutey ordinary with alotta extra and we will be friends for life. Which brings me to.. BE EXTRODINARY! Be you.. that is the most extrodinary thing you can do.. be you! An extrodinary you! My heart is slightly harder, I don't have a lot of trust, I am as quarded as you come. Its how Ive had to be to make it through the last few chapters.. A new decade and a new book is about to begin and I have big plans.. a completely different book to write. Full of hard work, great friends, family, giggling kids, love and happy endings. Before we know it, December will be over. A new decade and a new beginning.. I have big plans and I'm making them happen.. Be Ordinary with a whole lotta EXTRA! Merry Christmas to you all and a Happy New Decade!

Oh P.S. Don't you love my mood ring?! It was a gift from a dear friend.. it turned violet when I put it on which means "romantic".. I love it!

It's Christmas time agian..

2010-12-05T15:25:00.000-08:00

Love bites..

2010-11-12T20:03:00.000-08:00

First off.. I cant get over Modern Family.. Oh my heck, it's the best. I could watch the Modern Family Halloween episode every day!!! "Don't you give me an old tomatoe (ultimatam)".

I had Bruno Mars playing in the car and the words go like this "I'd catch a grenade for ya, throw my head on blade for ya.. I would go through all this pain, take a bullet straight to the brain. Ya I would die for ya, but you won't do the same. No no no" Maybe not the sweetest song to play while the kids are in the car but Duncan was listening close to the words and said "Its like Makenzie in my class mom. I let her butt in front of me in line but she won't ever let me butt". One time Duncan was on the playground and some 4th grade boys called this little girl fat, it happened to be the little girl Duncan had a crush on at the time so Duncan (a 1st grader at the time) walked up to them and said, "You want a peice of me". Well.. the little sweet girl... turned to Duncan and flipped him off. Duncan didn't even know what flipping off was until he came home from school that day and told me what happened. Seriously.. as negative as this may sound, I wanted to say "get used to it". Old or young, the nice ones get screwed! I of course didn't say that, I told him I was proud of him for being a good protective boy but I also told him not to get himself beat up. I love that kid!!

More Thanks..

My Dad and my Brothers.. because I know they always have my back. A reminder that there are good men out there, they take care of me. My dad and I are a lot alike (I never thought I'd say that but as I get older, there is no avoiding the truth) I am proud to be my Daddys daughter and I know he would do anything for me. I love the good men in my life.

A free country.. because I can get up every morning and leave my house, go to work, walk out my front door and run the streets for exersice, and I feel safe! Granted there are some pretty screwy things going on in this country.. Im still way better off than the rest of the world. Thank you to all those who fight for our freedom!

My stubborn mind.. because I wont stop and I will never give up! I will succeed!

Happy November!

A month of THANKS...

2010-11-08T18:31:00.000-08:00

Duncan is playing video games, the new Toy Story 3, the girls are playing barbies, the luxouri RV, and I am blogging. Is it neglectful that Im spending Monday evening on the computer while the kids self entertain? We are all in the same room.. does that make it "family night"? Hmmm.. probably not. The fact that I am home with my kids in a warm safe place is happiness. Video games, barbies and a computer.. everyone is happy right now.

November.. the month to give thanks. Here are a few of my thanks..

I am thankful for crushes ice! (that was really the first thing that just came to my mind, shallow!) Im moving next week and the fact that I can't get crushed ice out of my fridge at that house is almost making it hard for me to move into..

My job.. because my clients are 90% pure joy in my life. I have gained some of my greatest friends by staring them in the face (hands) for an hour every two weeks. The other 10% are... well they all make it so that I can survive my sweet kids and make a living.. I am deeply grateful for my job.

My kids.. becuase they get me out of bed every morning. A few nights a week (ok, every night) one crawls in my bed because my snuggles are the only thing that comforts them. I am so lucky!

My BFF Kristi.. because she stares me in the face and tells me the truth, most of the time its during a time when I want to hear it the least but need it the most.

My Momma.. because when I was little I followed her around and talked and talked and talked.. I still follow her around and I talk and I talk and I talk.. and she lets me. I love my Momma!

More thanks to come throughout the month.

Raising these kids and a HAPPY HALLOWEEN...

2010-11-01T18:06:00.000-07:00

Im sitting here on a Monday night watching(and blogging) The Incredibles. Mrs Incredible has arms that stretch as far as needed so she can grab 2 out of control kids at the same time as she yells "BOB it's time to interviene" He doesn't, he has guys night and walks out of the house.. I need either really stretchy arms or someone to intervene sometimes. I usually have it under control but when mornings like this morning roll around, I want to be Mrs Incredible and/or have someone there to intervene. Neither apply so what do I do.. Threaten the kids with some sort of punishment/take away an activity or toy and I send them to school with a scoul on my face and drive away from the school with tears in my eyes. Tears because it breaks my heart sending them to school after mom was angry.. I want my kids to have a happy day everyday so I drive away feeling guilty. Being a mom is so difficult in so many small ways that seem so large at the time.. I love them and want them to have a happy life but I also need them to have respect so sometimes I have to be mean mom out of love.. Just as sometimes I wake up to a mean kid yet I know they love me more than anything else in this world. Wow.. Who would have thought this would be so hard. Im not making excuses or feeling pity on myself because I do it alone.. Its just freaking hard sometimes to not have someone to look over at and say "HELP" because sometimes, I just don't know what to do. If they end up screwed up, it's my fault. Talk about pressure. Ya they do have a dad, and he is great when he's with them but he deals with the fun while I do the day to day dealings that actually teach them the tools to live life and have respect and responsibility. Along with the difficulty of the situation, the rewards are worth it.. They are great kids. They have old souls and all the people that surround them fall completely in love! More than a few of the houses we trick or treated at this weekend had special presents set aside for my kids.. Not candy, Im talking toys.. Bought specifically for when my kids come to the door. I even got a special present at 2 of the houses.. Some awesome retro pink vases for the salon when it opens and at another house, a cute halloween decoration wrapped in a cute gift back, just for me. I have the best support group up here in my town and I couldn't ask for a better place to be as a single momma.. Great friends and family that could never be replaced. Thank you to all of you who have always had my back.. You know I got yours too.

Our Halloween Weekend..

I took Duncan on a Date to the dance production "Thriller". I almost didn't get him past the zombies but once we made it in, he loved it!

I painted faces at Duncans Halloween Party at school.. It was a hit!

And then it was time to dress up and hit the town.. look at these cute kids, so excited to fill their buckets with candy..

Strip Me..

2010-10-19T21:35:00.000-07:00

First things first.. Check out these cute PINK Chandeliers I found for the Salon. ADORABLE!!!

Im PMSing.. its just a fact. You know how I can tell? I'm sitting here eating Tres Leches Cake and reading the lyrics to Natasha Beddingfield having all these sappy emotional feelings. It took years for me to get lost in the wrong relationship and its taken years to be found in a simple yet complex relationship Ive finally found with myself. If you strip it, strip it all away, Im still the same. I lived in Jakarta Indonesia when I was 18 for a few months with a friend hunting for Indonesian Antiques and shipping back to stores in the US. We would find these big beautiful Teak Wood Masterpieces covered in an array of god awful paint. Little kids would get sharp pieces of glass and scratch off all that paint that covered the natural beauty of the piece of furniture that someone put so much time and effort building.. The paint never completely came off, there were remnants of color here and there but it gave it character and made it more beautiful after all..

If you strip me,
What would you find
If you strip me,
Strip it all away
I’m still the same
Take what you want
Steal my pride
Build me up
Or cut me down to size
Shut me out
But I’ll just scream
Im only one voice in a million
But you aint taking that from me
Oh oh no you aint taking that from me x 4
Cos when it all boils down
At the end of the day
Its what you do and say
That makes you who you are
Makes you think about,
Think about it
Doesn’t it
Sometimes all it takes is one voice
Take what you want
Steal my pride
Build me up
Or cut me down to size
Shut me out
But I’ll just scream
Im only one voice in a million
But you aint taking that from me
Oh oh no you aint taking that from me

On to a new subject.. I usually dread Halloween, its just a pain in my a** dressing up the kids. Tonight actually got me excited for the first time.. the Halloween themed face painting was fun and the costumes have arrived via Fed Ex and we are ready to roll.. Check out the post below. BOOOO!

Halloween is on its way..

2010-10-19T21:06:00.000-07:00

We walked in a restaurant a sweet little family, walked out a creepy little family..

Not sure whats goin on with the Dodgers shirt and Red Socks hat but all that it means is he's a baseball fan so I won't complain.. I worry about his choice of face painting job.. therapy needed maybe?

Lily is always the sweetie and wanted her arm painted cute with a parrot on her shoulder.. got to LOVE that girl!

Wonders... that chic is more interested in what the boys got goin on than havin some girly face painted so she ended up as Batman.. She is one funny little baby of mine.

After all the face painting fun, the kids wanted to practice our halloween scream.. Plug those ears!
PLEASE EXCUSE MY LACK OF A STYLISH HAIRDOOOO!!

Nothin like a good GNO...

2010-10-14T23:03:00.000-07:00

All the boys in my family decided to take a "No Girls Allowed Trip" to Jackson Hole Wyoming which meant my little Pumkin aka Boo aka Duncan was leaving me for the weekend.. I feel bad that he will be the only boy without a Daddy there but I know he will have a blast with my Dad and Brothers. So off he went.
What do the girls do when the man of the house is gone.. We PARTY!!
First things first.. we took a little nap. A momma sandwich, or would it have been a daughter sandwich?

London wanted to ditch me too and go to her cousins for a sleepover so it was just my little lils and me.. what did we do? We hit up Target and NORDSTROMS of course. We found a cute Halloween costume for her costume party tomorrow and a sassy little outfit for my sassy little Lily. We then headed to Nordstroms for a little dress up session, shoe dreaming, and a pair of Betsey Johnson earings for me.

What a fun first night of the Fall Break!!!

A piggie update...

2010-09-20T20:59:00.000-07:00

Pain My Piggies Salon and Spa... coming SOON!!!!

No.. this is not my logo but I thought the pig was cute!!

Something super excited is happening in my life... A dream come true so to speak. My salon is going full service. YAAAY!!!

Everyday I am one step closer.. Last week, all plans were passed through the city which was one of my main stresses. The financial side of things are looking great as well. We are waiting for the final bank approval and then the magic can begin.. hopefully construction will start within the next week or two and I can be open by Christmas.. or New years.

The salon is located in an old victorian house.. but when you walk in it will be a great surprise. My colors are Grey, black, white and pink.. The out side will be grey with white trim with pink porch furniture spiced up with some funcky black and white pillows. Walk through an old victorian door into a very contemporary, sleek, clean and crips surprise. Grey walls (grey is sooo back in by the way) White trim with a lot of built in cabinents, benches, etc.. Black leather contemporary waiting furniture fluffed with funky pink and black pillows. The best part are the crystal chandeliers to add a shabby chick feel. Concreit floors softened with a funky rugs in black and white and pink, I CAN NOT WAIT! The services to be offered are: UPSTAIRS SPA: Black spiral staircase up to the spa that includes Massage, facials, wax, body treatment of all kinds.. DOWNSTAIRS SALON: Hand spa.. mani, acrylics, gel, glitters.. the choices are endless. Foot spa.. basic, full spa pedicures and parafin wax. Who doesn't love a great pedicure for a descent price. HAIR: 2 hair stations.. very small and quaint. It is going to be fabulouse!

Anyone know of someone that is good at what they do.. have them contact me if they are looking for a job that has to do with any of the services offered. Before and after pics to come!

briannesitterud@gmail.com

A change in my info and a camping trip...

2010-07-29T20:54:00.000-07:00

I can't hide from it anymore... I must change a minor.. or as one might feel is a major detail in my profile information on my blog. Every time I log in, it stares me in the face. My information still reads age 29. I am unfortunately.. or as one might feel very fortunate to no longer be in her 20's. That "one" I'm referring to, is me!

Happy 30th Birthday to me.. The year leading up to the day I turned 30 was much more difficult than actually turning 30.. It was a BREEZE.

I took a rain check on the party that my friends were planning and opted for a day like this..

I went for a run in my quest to defeat age...

Smelled the pretty flower that came to me...

Loved on my kids because they've made every birthday for the last 7 years special...

And then, I actually spent the day with the ex and my kids up at the Park City Resort sliding down the mountain on the Alpine Slide and eating a hearty meal full of big juicy hamburgers from Flippin Burgers.. I love a good hamburger.. yum!! Opened a few presents, blew out a few candles..

and called it a good Birthday!

My 20's were epic.. for both great and horrifically horrible reasons!

(keep in mind.. minor details have been altered. What can I say.. I like to put my experiences into a more intriquing story form. Lets leave it at 90% accurate.)

One of my girlfriends and her husband and all their high-school friends were taking a River Trip to the Snake River in Wyoming and they invited me. I wasn't going to go, then I was going, then I wasn't, etc.. At the last minute, actually hours after I was to have already left, I decided to make the trip my birthday present to myself and I threw my crap in the back of my car and left for Wyoming. In fact, I left so fast that I didn't even pack a flashlight or a cooler(2 very important items when camping). I took the wrong or missed the exit twice on the way there but I made it in 4 hours.. Let the Camping begin. I got there at about 6pm and no one was at the campsite.. I look in the cars to make sure I see some familiar belongings of friends so that I know for sure Im at the right place before I begin to attempt to assemble my tent that I know Im not going to sleep in... No chance in H am I sleeping alone in a tent when the first thing I see while approaching the campsite is a big fat sign on the gate reading "Bear spotted 1 mile away" and the only other spot to set up a tent on the site was right smack damn next to the Bear Boxes.. NEVER-!! Im sleeping in someone elses tent no matter what but I set up my tent anyway just for looks.. and I did a fine job setting that thing up all by myself. It was starting to get dark and the gang wasn't back at camp yet.. they all got there the night before I did and set out on the river first thing. I was hoping they were going to get back before dark because.. ummmm scary alone out in the woods. I read for a while.. wander around for a while and then I hear something in one of the tents so I sit really still for a second then I hear "hey who dat blond godylock out there?" One of the guys was taking a nap while the others rafted the river again and he was there the whole time I thought I was there alone.. I had no idea who he was and Ill be honest, I was a little scared. A few minutes after china man got out of his tent, the crew pulled in the campsite. We hung around the fire that night for hours.. enjoying good friends and eating yummy campfire cooked food.

The river was awesome! We spent 6 hours rafting a river that at the pace of the river would take about 2 hours. We threw each-other in a few times, beached it for lunch, jumped off some cliffs and then got serious through the 2 real rapid parts of the river. We only crashed into a rock wall once ha-ha.. After we made it through the main rapid, a few of us got out of the raft and hiked back to the start of the rapid to go it without the raft.. I hooked my life jacket up to a handsome fellers life jacket and we jumped off a cliff and rode the rapids.. Im not gonna lie, I thought for a very short minute that I might drown. But I didn't and so here I bog... What a great trip. I did sleep in my tent both nights.. a little mouse even jumped in to keep me company. Thank goodness for Captain Kotsy(our self-proclaimed river guide), he threw his shirt over the mouse, rolled it up and threw it out. If I did have company in my tent, it most definitely would not have been a mouse!

Welcome 30's..

Summer breeze...

2010-07-14T23:50:00.000-07:00

My favorite thing about Summer.. The pool with the kids. Ok, thats not true.. My favorite part about Summer is the Lake, if Im with friends, on someones boat, but since I don't have my own boat I have to sit around and wait for invitations.. haha. You have a boat? Im your best friend! Wakeboarding is my VERY FAVORITE summertime activity. I want a boat of my own so I can go anytime I want. I better start saving now so maybe by the time im 80 I can get one. When Im 80 Ill suck at wakeboarding so I guess I won't get one.. (sick.. I just smashed a bug on my lip.. literally!)

Surviving the Summer with kids, the pool is the only way to go. Duncan is a little fish, Lily wants to be a fish but is having a hard time swimming on her own and London wants to do everything I do. I catch London cracking open the tanning oil and laying out.. I have to lather her with 85 sunscreen and toss her back in the pool.

My friends remodeled a little old gas station into an sweet little coffee shop.. Im going to work there one night a week. The social life in this town is not the greatest so I though Id shoot the breeze at a coffee shop one night a week.. Im super excited about the gas station/repair shop style button up shirt I get to wear when I work. It's cute!

Come by Fillerup Coffee Shop..

2010-07-06T20:53:00.000-07:00

Up date.. Lily's Birthday was great.. we just had a little family party and my "visitor" came so he met the kids.. he aced it! No I didn't even make Lily's cake. All that planning and I bought so much cute cake making stuff and in the end I still ended up at the bakery. Pathetic!

Next up.. My "visitor" was a success and he came out last weekend for the 4th also, the 3rd weekend visit out of the 4 weekends I've known him. More about that later.

The 5th of July.

The Diary of a Hike.. with 3 little kids

The beginning.. before I knew what I was getting myself into.

Like Momma like Daughter.. we both got the bubble butt goin on! Yeeeaaahh baby! I happen to like the bubble butt look as long as it's under control.. never got a complaint yet.. ok too much info. oops!

Their foot caught every tree root and rock along the path, I swear. I was peeling kids up off the trail every 5 seconds. I love this picture.. so cute!

The destination.. There was a great waterfall and river everyone was playing in but I regret that I was too lazy to snap photos.

The dirt.. we were a mess. Lilys little brown outfit was orange when we left. And my foot.. Ya thats pee spilling down my ancle creating a mud trail right into my shoe. London/Girls got no aim.

Don't you think this should be my next glitter toe advertisement. I even had shoes on.. and might I add that I wore my brand new white running shoes.. they are now brown. Waaaaaahh!

THE END..

MEMORIES TO CHERISH!

It's Pary Time...

2010-06-18T23:28:00.000-07:00

IT's her party she can cry if she wants to, cry if she wants to, cry if she wants to.. well she better not cry!!!!!!

It's gonna be a great weekend.. a super busy one!

Decorating a wedding.. again. It's looking good so far.

A super cute boy flying in from Cali for the second weekend in a row to hang.. Ya Ya! You know me though.. I've talked myself out of a potential relationship with him about 45 times already.. we will see! Um his muscles... thats all I'll say about that. And for all that know me... I always go for the tall, skinny, dark curls.. every damn time, but look where is gotten me.. Maybe Ill see where the muscles take me this time hahaha. Ya it's late. Im rambling.

Next up.. LILY BREEZE has a birthday on Sunday.. the big 6.. I love that little sugar pie! Every year on her birthday I have been running the Ragnar Relay and we don't celebrate until late that night or the next day, but since I had to pass on the race this year and she is 6.. I decided to bake the girl a cake.. a real homemade one, Im sure it will turnout to be a real homemade disaster but let just go for it.. wish me luck. Here are some cake ideas.

For a first timer.. what do you think?

Umm hell to the N.O. But maybe next time.

And again... Uhhhh NO. But maybe next time.

I googled easy birthday cakes for kids.. holy shiiiii! Not my kinda easy.

I think I shoot for something more along the lines as this cake.. with 6 candles of course!

Ill most definitely post an update on the wedding.. cute boy.. and the CAKE!!

Happy Birthday to my Lily Breeze!!

I really am...

2010-06-12T13:49:00.000-07:00

Ive always told Duncan I'm a Superhero.. ever since he could hear the words coming out of my mouth he's been hearing "Mommy is a Superhero!". I can run the fasted, fly the farthest, jump the highest.. I can see behind my back, hear everything! His early years he thought it was awesome and looked at me like I could save the world.. years go by and I say "Mommy is a Superhero!" he started taking a longer look at me while his head was tilted slightly to the side. More years go by and last week we were driving in the car and it was quiet, he looks at me and sais "Mom.. not in a mean way(I always brace myself when he sais "not in a mean way" because something offensive yet very honest and true usually comes out after), but you're not really a Superhero are you? You can tell me mom, Im 7. I won't tell the girls." I sat for a second and said.. "I may not be a Superhero like the ones in the movies.. but, I am a Superhero. When you need me I will alway fly the furthest, jump the highest and run to you the fastest to save you. Mommy is a Superhero!"

Big, Mysterious, and Beautiful Life...

2010-06-05T21:25:00.000-07:00

Before I leave for vacation I always picture myself by the pool with a good book, sleeping in, relaxing, etc.. etc.. and coming home re-motivated. NEVER HAPPENS! I always come home exhausted no matter where I go because I can not just chill and relax and recharge.. I go go go no matter where I am, vacation or not. Coming home is always hard! So.. I spend a week trying to kick myself back into mommy gear and it takes another week to get my energy and motivation back. This big, mysterious and beautiful world goes on without me.. cant it wait a week while I try to put my shoes back on? I wish I could pause the world.. make it stand still so I can take a freakin break without falling way behind. It's actually scary if you think about it.. makes me feel so insignificant and unimportant how everything moves on.. with or without me. That thought alone gives me motivation to really be somebody, help someone, make a difference, and leave a footprint somewhere somehow in this big, mysterious, beautiful world.

Remember baby Analaigh I talked about a few posts back? She was born at 24 weeks gestation and was only 15 oz. large. Well check this chick out now.. she has fought her way to 4lb's and is as beautiful as ever.. she wasn't about to let this world go on without her, she wants to live a big, mysterious and beautiful life and I don't blame her!

On a bit of a sad note.. look at this text I got from little miss Lily on Thursday night. The kids went with there dad and when we are apart we text.. yes my 5 year old texts.. what is this world coming to. She is just learning to read and write so its all sound spelling right now.. study the words she has written and you catch what she is saying to me.

{it is lily do not date anyone mom} {mom you have to tell me if you are dating or not mommy}

Sad right?! I feel extreme amounts of quilt when I realize the things my kids worry about at such a young and tender age.. It's been interesting to see how much my kids worry about me dating.. they are afraid of being replaced. They of course could never ever ever ever be replaced and as much as I tell them that, only time will show them. Do you see why it is just easier for me to not intertwine my dating life with my real life? I always thought Dr. Laura was crazy when she says to not ever remarry until the kids are out of the house but now Im kind of agreeing. Im definitely not going to follow that advice if I find Prince Charming.. Ill consider myself lucky and marry the man. I do have a feeling Ill be a single mom for many years though and I am fine with that too.

Little did lily know, I was tie dying t-shirts with girlfriends that night.. the wives and girlfriends of the bees baseball players are so sweet! Even though Nick is gone and most of his friends on the team have moved up or on to other teams, they still call me when they have a girls night.. I have so much fun with them. I miss Lori, Lindsay, Candice and Darcy, so not the same without them!! Check out my tank I made.. I love it!!

It's the last week of school.. YAY!!! except.. what the crap am I going to do with 3 bored little children all summer??? The pool.. WaHooooo!

The last week of school is always full of field trips.. I went to the Zoo with a zillion Kindergartners

Duncan went to the Bean Museum in Salt Lake and also had Pirate day.. he was a very cranky pirate if you can't tell by the photo.

He did tell me that my kisses were as sweet as a root-beer freeze.. so I'll let the crankiness slide this time.

Obsessed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-06-04T15:57:00.001-07:00

I am OBSESSED with this shirt.. I need it! I need it! I need it! I went to the movie just to see this outfit on Carrie Bradshaw. I love it!

San Diego wedding and the Scripps hospital...

2010-05-31T21:36:00.001-07:00

Back from the wedding event in California.. It had it's serious ups and downs, but at the end of the day.. it was still fabulous!

I left on Wednesday and was planning on working until late Saturday night then heading to Anaheim to hit an Angels game and dinner with Lori (her soon to be husbi is a catcher for the Angels) and then hangout with some friends and then catch an early Tuesday flight out. Well... that is not at all how it went down.

Wednesday and Thursday were days to run errands for the wedding, check on flower order etc.. and Thursday night I drove out to San Clamente and met up with my friend who moved to California 6 months ago for work. We went to a little Italian resturaunt just up the road from the beach and sat out on the patio that was surrounded with twinkle lights, it was really great. After dinner we went to the beach and some girl scouts gave us their campfire. So much fun!

The trip was so far, so good until... about 4 the next morning I woke up to a stabbing pain in my kidney and it landed me in the hospital about an hour later. I had fluid in and around my kidney from a ruptured cyst.. what? I swear it never fails with me... nothing can ever just go good. I stayed in the hospital until they could get my pain under control and then begged them to let me go.. I had so much to do. The decorating was starting that evening and all the next day and I was not about to let the bride down.. I sat in the middle of the reception site that night and told the guys what to do and then all the next day I worked alone on a very high dose of pain meds. We got the job done and it turned out beautiful! The good photos were taken by the photographer and I have yet to see them but here are a few photos from my camera.

{The beginning of setup}

{this pic gives the finish product no justice but its all I've got for now}

After the wedding was over and all the decor was back in boxes, I drove back to San Diego and caught the first flight home the next morning.. you know a homegirl is in pain when she passes on an Angels game and good times with friends.

I plan to take a trip back to California soon to finish my trip that my painful kidney made me cut short.

Labor to pure love...

2010-05-22T21:44:00.000-07:00

May 19th 2003 I was a very miserable pregnant girl. I was sick my ENTIRE pregnancy! No, I didn't throw up everyday but the gag reflux was there.. the whole time.. I could not eat a thing unless completely forced down my throat. I was miserable!

Back to May 19th.. Dave(the ex) was out of town on business and my due date was the 28th so I was hoping not to go into labor any sooner than that. Well I did. My back was hurting so bad that I felt like something was seriously wrong so my mom drove me to the hospital, and sure enough.. I was in labor. My labor was only in its first stages so they sent me home. Dave made it home very fast after I gave him the call and the next day we were back at the hospital.. I was in so much pain in my back that I couldn't take it.. I was having hard labor but it was all in my back. How weird is that? Id never heard of that. I was like someone was snapping my back in half every few minutes. I wasn't dialating so they put me on pitocin drip to make labor even harder.. kill me please! To make it worse.. I refused any pain meds, I wanted this baby natural. After 18 hours of labor, 9 of them with pit, nurses shoving pills up my yahoo to try to force some action to happen, a doctor breaking my water etc.... I dilated to an absolute NOTHING and effaced to a NOTHING. My body was not going to let me have this baby so off to the O.R. we went. Now why didn't I accept pain meds before now since I was just going to have to have them anyway?? I was exhausted! I hadn't slept for over 24 hours and was in extreme pain the entire time. Therefore.. I went a little crazy to say the least. I thought for sure I was going to die, I thought my baby was going to die. I listened to every heart beat on that monitor, the doctors finally put me on oxygen and gave me a sleeping pill to try to shut me up for a few hours.. nope, didn't work. I was their nightmare patient.. I was scared to death! I was having a baby and I didn't know how.. I was SCARED! May 21st 2003.. I had my baby and guess what... to my surprise, I didn't die.

After enduring a miserable 9 month pregnancy, and a miserable veeeery long labor and a c-section birth.. God gave me the sweetest little baby possible. Im completely in LOVE!

Happy Birthday to my boy.. he is 7 years old!

Duncan LaVar Sitterud

You know sometimes...

2010-05-10T21:14:00.000-07:00

You know how sometimes the pressure is just way too thick... I feel like Im trying to please everyone els. I had to take a little break from blogging. I was feeling the pressure to blog for my readers when I really didn't have it in me so nothing I was typing felt sincere.. I felt I couldn't say all I really wanted to because the people I sometimes wanted to write about do in-fact read my blog.. but, to all of you, just know that if you are in my life then you might also find yourself in my blog (with a super cool name change of course) I threw in the towel one day and didn't look back until now. So, here I am again... to bore you with my stories of dating, kids and my little, yet.. oh so large life.

Happy Mothers Day to me yesterday..

and to all of you fabulous MOMS. Happy mothers day to my own Mommy,I have the best mom in the world!!! I went to church on Mothers Day, to receive my little mommy gift they give at the end of the meeting of course. It was packed with Families, Daddies sitting with the Mommies. I go walking in, just me and my three little waddeling ducklings following behind and I feel the eyes on me.. I can almost here the silent thoughts behind the eyes.. "poor Bri".. I hate that! Do they not realize I'm single and happy?? Ok, I was feeling a little sorry for myself and I was feeling selfish and I wanted breakfast in bed damn it.. my kids are just too little to do that though.

It didn't help that an on-again, of-again flame of mine had flown in from Cali and was sitting two rows in front of me so I got to go over and over and over that relationship in my mind all meeting. WOW such a fantastic day!

The kids got me Bath and Body Works goods, scarfs and headbands and other random cute little things they picked out on their own.. Thanks to my ex and my mom who both on seperate occasions took them out shopping for me.

The kids and I went to my brothers for dinner and had a great time with the fam. I love my fam!

The best part about Mothers Day is the simple fact that these 3 little sweet beings are all mine.. and always will be.. and they are CoMPlete and UTteR ROCKSTARS!!!

Seriously a roller coaster..

2010-04-11T19:40:00.000-07:00

I've had so much yet absolutely nothing going on.. does that make sense?

Nail biz has been boom'n! Spring break along the wasatch front and everyone wants their nails and toes fab for their vaca's.. great for me.

House sold so I've got packing on the mind.. try moving 3 kidlets, it ain't easy!

My feet have been hitting the pavement a lot and oooh baby it feels good.. I love nothing more than running outside in the cool spring air.

This weekend.. what can I say. It would have been my 10th wedding anniversary and was the first anniversary of Nicks death. I didn't know what was worse about the weekend.. I have felt that way many times, not sure which tear was for what. As crazy as it sounds since I do in-fact have 3 babies with the ex, the majority of the tears were not over him!

After finding out about certain events, I chose the divorce. I never chose the death.

As each day, month, year passes.. I am grateful for my strength and the things I have learned from my trials.

I sat in church and watched a dad of a new born baby burry his face in that sweet babies neck.. it was a flashback of my life 5 years ago.. Where did those days go? Sometimes I shed a little tear for that.

There are more days than not that I am driving down the road, cleaning the house, etc.. and out of the blue it feels like I just got the phone call about Nicks death and I can't breathe for a second, my heart beats fast and tears well up in my eyes and I literally can't believe it. Everytime I pass the exit to his house I look the other direction and pretend it's not even there. One time, we were locked out of his house and no one was home. Nick and his roomies had a spare key that they hid but because there are crazy girls that follow after the baseball players, they hid the key a little too well. Nick was climbing through the bushes in the middle of the night looking for this key, I was hanging on to his hand trying to follow him close because it was dark and scary and we were laughing, he was being so loud and I was so worried someone was going to come out and yell at us.. we made it through a window finally. Because he played baseball and they were gone half the month and had a game every night while they were home, I had to become a night owl in order to spend time with him. Because I am a momma, there were many nights I couldn't leave the house so Nick had the code to my garage and would come in late after a game.. he always promised to be quiet as he was coming in but seriously every time.. It was like a hurricane coming through the door. Simple moments that meant nothing at the time are the moments I'd give anything to have over again.

I put his straggling single sock, his shorts and hat, all the news articles, baseball tickets and airplane ticket stubs I've saved along the way in a very stylish grey and black box and put it all away. It's been a year, time to move.. move.. move on!

Easter was a total success! The kids went to St. George for the weekend so we celebrated Easter at our house on Friday. We colored eggs Thursday night and had a little late night movie/popcorn party and then hit the sack. I waited until I knew they were sound asleep and I pulled out bags of goodies and put their cute baskets together.. The kids woke up to Easter Baskets, hidden eggs and a pair of roller blades each. We hunted for eggs on wheels this year. I love Holidays with kids, its so much fun!

Dating.. My perception on it all is getting more and more fudged up by the day.. yet I remain hopeful that their is still a descent selfless man out there somewhere.

I listened to Beyonce driving home from seeing a movie with my mom tonight(I love my Mom). We saw Date Night.. LMAO!! Anyway.. We went to dinner at the California Pizza Kitchen before the show and after they sat us, they sat this cute couple next to us and as they were sitting, the guy noticed crumbs on the bench his date was going to sit on and he adorably wiped them off before she sat down.. she was on the phone and didn't even notice, nor thank him. I wanted to tell him thanks and I wasn't even her. What a man! There aren't many real men around these days. Men dress in tight glittery shirts now.. what's up with that? We are a selfish breed! Maybe it's always been this way and I'm only noticing it now because Im in the dating world at 29. It seems like no one commits anymore. I learned the hard way that even if they are committed, they don't really commit. No one can get over themselves enough to give anything to anyone else. Everyone is waiting for "perfect", well, "Perfect" doesn't just happen, we work for and create our "perfect". Or am I completely wrong? I mean, its sad that I was so surprised that boy brushed the seat off for his girl.. and then she didn't say thank you. Maybe we women are ungrateful and that is why the men are the way they are now.. who knows.

Back to Beyonce..

Who's there to save the hero/When she's left all alone/And she's crying our for help/ Who's there to save the hero/Who's there to save the girl.. After she saves the world.

THosE words in that song made me CRY! I freakin love BEYONCE!

Ouch..

2010-03-30T18:13:00.000-07:00

There aren't many times I wish for the past, but today is one of the

times I do.

I want to be packing for the same trip, to the same place, with the

same person that I was at exactly this time last year.

Today my heart aches!

It's like Groundhog day...

2010-03-27T20:49:00.000-07:00

I lay my head down at night and I pray for answers, for peace, for calmness, for strength and patience. I sleep.... zzzz... I wake up and craziness begins my everyday! I go go go! I do the daily grind and when a moment is quiet, I fill the silence with music and the stillness with movies, magazines, communication etc.. etc.. etc.. Then I lay my head down and I pray for the exact same answers, peace, calmness, strength and patience as I did the night before.. I forgot to listen to the still small voice, I forgot to recognize the strengths and feel the peace.

So tonight.. Once again, I am going to pray for all the things I prayed for last night.. and tomorrow, Im going to focus on feeling the love, concern and inspiration that I know God pours upon me everyday, as he does to us all. :0)

Goodnight everyone..

We never really grow up....

2010-03-19T21:39:00.000-07:00

Funny story..

Last month I crashed into the back of a truck with a hitch on the back and it cracked my bumper and dented his.. sucked!

Today Im sitting in the Zions Bank parking lot filling out a deposit slip and my foot is on the brakes (should have put it in park).

I dropped my pen and leaned over not realizing my foot lifted from the break and I slowly bumped into the truck with 2 hitches parked in front of me. Im retarded!

The truck owner was walking out to his truck at the time and saw it happen and laughed. I get out of my car and am feeling sooooo dumb.

Me: "Oh my gosh.. I lifted my foot off the brake when I leaned over I guess".

Hot man smiling: "It didn't do anything to my truck but my balls went through your bumper".

We both kinda giggled trying not to look like the one with the dirty mind.

Me: "the crack was already there when I crashed into another guys truck and his ball went through my bumper".

We both cracked up like 5th graders.

Ok.. maybe you just had to be there but we thought we were pretty funny.

It wasn't my idea of a way to meet men but I've sure crashed into some good looking guys lately. From now on Im dressing up every time I leave the house, just in case I crash again.

Speaking of bumpers.. I went to the gym yesterday and met with a personal trainer, she told me my bumper could handle loosing 10 lbs. without looking anorexic. Since yesterday, I've never eaten so badly.

Have a great weekend everyone! Try not to dent your bumpers :0)

I love them equally, I really do....

2010-03-16T21:07:00.001-07:00

I have been a bad, impatient, mean mom today.

I swear today I have a favorite child

and it's not this one.. that "thing" he wore on his head in the bath tub this morning leaked some naughtiness right into that brain of his.

Its Her.. little miss LILY BREEZE..

We played barbies tonight while the other 2 were gone with the sexy exy and it was a fabulous blast from my past, razzle dazzle time.

Moms are never supposed to have favorites but lets be honest, sometimes we just do!

Now this one.. London Christine.. she is going to be the death of me. Heres a little insight..

You think the terrible 2's end at 2.. hers started at about 9 months and we are still in them, ya she's 4. Im screwed with this one..

I have always had some weird feeling London was special.. not for the reasons that scared me while I was prego with her, but something els. I felt her specialness from the minute I was building her bones.. Well, I think I know why. Because this little chick was going to try me, test me, and probe me to see my own imperfections.. I have grown massive amounts of patients and gained some pretty awesome selective hearing skills because of this little one..

We love the most what we sacrifice the most for.. and as hard as London may be, she is also the one that brings everyone the most giggles.. her skin is as soft as butter and I could just eat her for lunch every single day!

The wedding planner..

2010-03-15T22:00:00.000-07:00

I get to decorate a wedding agian..

This time I get to go to San Diego in May to decorate.

So excited!

These photos are from a backyard wedding I decorated on a small budget..

There was a pond with floating candles and flowers, another beautiful tent and candle lit lanterns in the trees.

there are a lot of things I wished I could have added, but with very little.. it turned out pretty.

Ok friends...

2010-03-12T21:57:00.000-08:00

Now this is starting to get a little pathetic! besides my visit to the hospital, this is, oh.... possibly the 3rd Friday night I have been home alone just chillin. I must be in a rut. Last Friday a group of friends went to Gracies.. an upper scale "social joint".. probably a great place to meet new men, i mean people. Did I go? No.. and I didn't even have a reason not to. Tonight.. My dear and lovely friend Dee wanted to hang and did I go? No.. and I didn't even have a reason not to.

The sexy exy takes the kids Friday nights and by the time Ive survived the week 3 against 1, I don't really want to talk to anyone.. I need some quiet time, and it just so happens to be Friday nights for me.

Ill admit.. Im stating to worry about myself and how comfortable I am becoming with being a Hermet!

Baby Analaighs little brain has begun to bleed.. please pray for her!

Tiny baby Analaigh...

2010-03-11T21:34:00.000-08:00

(Her mommies fingers on top of the incubator.. look close and you can see that she is under a zip lock bag that is laying open.. that is how little she is.)

Why is it that we only remember how fragile and miraculous life is when something fearful happens or worst case, we lose someone.. I went to see my friend Erin at the U of U hospital and actually was able to go into the NICU and see her tiny little baby. I have been thinking about life today, it is a miracle! This is my friends sweet little baby that was born yesterday weighing 1 lb .o5 oz. She came out screaming.. 24 weeks gestation and look at that little thing. All the complicated tiny features and organs are there.. just extremely underdeveloped. I sat and listened to the Doctor talk about her condition as of today.. the precious little thing is on 3 dif types of blood pressure meds, breathing machine, feeding tubes, and is under a plastic zip lock sack in a incubator set at 97 degrees with 80% humidity.. can't be touched because her skin is as jello. The womens body and reproductive capabilities are amazing! There is NO way for a baby to grow and develop the way it does inside the momma.. all help from smart doctors, machines and meds cant do what a womens body can do.. in the time we can do it. GO BABY ANALAIGH!!!

I have been in the baby ICU before.. My niece was born premature and was a little fighter, came home with breathing machine but she was a surviver.. 8 months later I was in the ICU again watching her breath her last breathe after the babysitter caused enough damage that she didn't survive.. I saw my sister and brother-in-law hold their baby girl as she passed from this life to the next.. I was able to hold her after she passed away and I kissed her goodbye. I wish I would have held her more when I had the chance.. Every time I see life flight I think of the last time I saw her before her accident.. I was scrapbooking with my sister and Kinlie was laying tummy down on a blanket on the floor wiggling and talking trying to fight her way out of a nap.. She was an angel from day one.

Everyday I drive down main street and out front of the ford dealership is car that was wrapped around a light pole due to a drunk driving accident.. they are trying to prove a point but for me Its torture everyday. Sometimes I go the back streets if I feel its not a day to see that car.. It reminds me of my friend Nick and his accident. The car is even silver.. just like the car he was in that was hit by a drunk driver. The things I wish I would have said or done or been thankful for at the time had I known what was going to happen.. When he left SLC to go home for the winter I was upset at him. I didn't even let him come say goodbye to me... despite his efforts. What? Why did I do that? It was my pride. Luckily for me I got a 2nd chance.. I can't imagine my regret had I not gotten that lucky god given 2nd chance. One night.. he had just come home from a road trip that morning and I couldn't make it to his game that night so I gave him directions to get to where I was.. well I had left out an important turn and sent him up a canyon. haha he called and said he was headed up a mountain pass, OOoops. He had to wait until the next exit(which was not close) to turn around, I had sent a hungry man up a mountain pass late at night.. I figured I was in a bit of trouble but when he walked in the door and I saw him, he smiled and told me he loved my low-lights, ya know, in my hair LOL. What? not what I was expecting but that was Nick.. it wasn't a big deal.

I need to be more like that..

My Grandpa passed away from old age.. he and my grandma lived a long happy life. After he died my grandma would sit in his chair and watch all the same t.v. shows my grandpa would.. like he wasn't even gone. She would look at his picture up on top of the t.v. and say "Freddie.. when are you coming for me?" not long after my grandma died of a heart attack. I think she missed my grandpa too much and her heart was lonely without him.. Thats how strong their love was.

I want that!

Its up to ME to be like "that"

Its up to ME to have "that"

What is your "that"?

I don't want regrets more than I have and almost had

Lets hope we can figure it out before its too late. Life is a fragile, miraculous blessing!

My mom told me that my Grandma always said.. Nothing is more important than LOVE.

Thats what it comes down to.. Love and letting go of pride.. and we won't have regrets.

Easier said than done Im afraid.

2010-03-10T20:54:00.001-08:00

I don't know about you, but to me, there is nothing worse than a bad haircut.. My haircut represents me.. If I had to choose between a bad haircut or dying my hair purple, I'd have to go with dying my hair purple. As long as my haircut rocks Im good..

On that note...

This is Queen Latifa yesterday..

{speaking of hair.. I had just left the gym so please excuse my do}

This is Queen Latifa today..

Poor thing.. All she really needed was a wash and trim. Apparently I chose the wrong doggie salon.

Im on the hunt for a boyfriend for her, I want some puppies. This haircut is just not gonna give her the confidence she needs for that!

WOoPs!

A little vanity never hurt....

2010-03-08T21:19:00.000-08:00

Im feeling so vain and somewhat pathetic tonight.. I have my laptop up and blogging with my itunes running. Metric.. Help Im alive, my little London knows this song word for word.. I love it! Ive got my phone a facebooking and a people magazine open.. I must say, Im not good at multi-tasking but Im doing a pretty good job tonight.. I think because none of what I'm doing requires any sort of thinking.

Anything I can do to avoid the things I really need to do..

I heart Victorias Secret.. I love love love that place and everything in it! What makes a girl happier than cute undies and a comfy t-shirt?!

I can not wait for SEX AND THE CITY 2.. I covet carries closet! I love her t-shirt with pearls and heels style. Love everything about that entertainment! View the preview at www.sexandthecitymovie.com. It warms my heart to see.

Once again.. feeling vain and pathetic tonight! :)

An "oh snap" moment...

2010-02-27T00:04:00.000-08:00

I don't like people who preach to me.. Im stubborn that way. So... I hate to make a post that sounds a little preachy because of all the people that read my blog, god knows that I need preachin to the most.. Because it is in-fact Sunday, I feel that I can get away with a post like this..
I sleep on the bottom level of my house and my kids sleep upstairs.. I like it that way because I feel like I'm one of those stiff standing guards at the bottom of the stair case leading up to my sleeping kids and nothing bad could get past me to my precious treasures that lie under their feather comforters.

So many nights I think.. "I am their protector, am I strong enough?"

I don't know what I really would do if anyone was after my treasures and it was up to me to protect them, besides fight my little heart out.. uhhh let's cross our fingers I never have to. I've laid awake many nights a little frightened sometimes, feeling like something was missing. I needed some backup.. I decided I need some spiritual backup more than any other kind right now. Some strength, in a lot of different areas.

I think the word spiritual is completely different than religious. I say that because I have many friends in many different religions and some with no religion at all. Spiritual applies to them all in their own way.

Last night I read something in the scriptures that gave me the chills.. I read the Word of Wisdom for the first time ever.. Ive heard of it and learned of it and not always followed it. D&C 89

You just have to read it.. but the part that hit me was at at the end, if we live the Word of Wisdom, it says "I, the Lord, give unto them a promise, that the Destroying Angel shall pass by them, and not slay them. Amen"

I thought about my nights awake feeling like I needed some backup.. well OH SNAP thats it. If I do what I know and feel is right.. which is all relative to whomever we are, the Destroying Angel will walk past my door looking for the weak. That will not be me! It will be me and God on either side of that stair case, protecting my sleeping treasures!

I'm surprised it took me until now to figure that out..

I need some heat..

2010-02-26T08:52:00.000-08:00

I HATE THIS COLD WEATHER.. ITS MAKING ME FAT and ANGRY!!! It's almost March.. I can make it, I can make it. Utah is the best for so many reasons except that hot Summer weather that I like doesn't come until July and lasts until August.. I like it hot and Im needing some heat! I am still taking about the weather. ;)

29 and kids or 39 and nothin...

2010-02-23T22:47:00.000-08:00

So I went on a blind date.. and he was hot!! But what good does a guy from Laguna Beach do for me? Nothing besides wish I lived in Cali by the beach for more reasons than one. Did I mention he was super hot! Dating freakin suck! And the truth is.. I am perfectly happy not dating right now. Why does everyone make me feel like it's so sad Im not seeing anyone? The problem is, I feel like I am just now reaching such a comfortable level with my kids, just the 4 of us. I'm getting set in my independent ways that I try to date someone but I don't like the way it changes my focus or my schedule and it scares me to involve my kids.. for me its easier being alone at this point. Having said that, Ill tell you what got me thinking about how I should be and am happy about where I am right now.

I was talking to this guy, a friend of a friend(Whom is 39, never married, no kids). He asked me a question that put a lot in perspective for me. He said "Do you feel like being 29 and single now, that you could be in so many places doing so many things, but you can't because you have kids. Do feel like they are holding you back?"

I know what he meant but.... I can look at it that way which, how sad would that be.. or I can see it like this. I am 29, yes I got the bad end of the stick in a few ways but look what came of it.. 3 little being that love me more than they love anything els and I love them back the same.. If I never get married again, I still have a family that will always come home to me.. I don't NEED anything more.. an awesome dude would be a bonus but with or without one I have my family. I would much rather be me with kids at 29 than him at 39 single with no kids. FOR SURE!!

I have 3 little ones.. yes I do. In the background is Duncans little colt that he sais is going to be his Rodeo horse someday.

When these little tears are cried.. to them, all that can fix it is Mommy.

This is what I see before I go to bed everynight.

A little flash back of when they were all 2 and under.. sooo adorable! But seriously.. what was I thinking? Does anyone understand how hard that was?!

I have a little guy who loves his Lizard, dog, horse and 4 wheeler and tells me everyday how he cant wait until it's Open Season again(hunting) yet will totally do P90X workout videos with me.

And a family dog that actually puts up with being dressed up like a princess.

I Absolutely do not feel like Im being held back! Do I ever feel sorry for myself because my life is not perfect? Absolutely yes, sometimes I do.. but what is perfect? Being 39 and nothing... I think NOT!

My life is imperfect, full, and happy.. because of my kids.

Don't hate me because my Friday nights are so awesome!

2010-02-19T23:30:00.000-08:00

Friday night excitement..

Trip to the Ice Rink.. Not easy going 3 against 1 might I add. They just so happened to be filming a segment for the Travel Channel while we were there so that was kind of exciting.. we got to be "extras". We are now Travel Channel stars!.. if they don't blur us out.

I skated for competitively for 10 years.. since Im on a getting old kick, Ill add that my skating days ended 11 years ago.. wow! It was all I can do not to bust out some rusty old moves.

Duncan, Lily and London are little naturals on the rink, it was so much fun. Maybe I have budding Olympians on my hands.

Next up.. Movie Night.

Yes that little brown fur ball is our dog.. May I introduce Queen Latifa aka Tifa..

Now I know my Friday Nights are exciting..

Try not to be jealous.

Onward to the Mini Eggs!...

2010-02-17T23:31:00.000-08:00

How is one(especially a girl) supposed to get SUMMER ready? There are too many yummy holidays all in a row? I won't even tell you how many bags of JuJu Hearts I.. I mean my kids ate. Those candy companies know exactly what they are doing by only bringing them out once a year.. I buy bags of them at a time knowing that they are only available for a short time.. I panic when the holiday is almost over and go stalk up.. well its only 3 days since Valentines and my JuJu Hearts are already gone. Moving onward to the Mini Eggs!

I was soooo sick last week. Tuesday evening I went running in 27 degree weather and came home freezing, I never warmed up. I got the body aches and a fever.. my bones hurt so bad I was walking around my house all throughout the night in tears. It hurt to lay down, hurt to sit, hurt to walk. I got in the bath twice that night and then finally called my mom at 4am crying.. She came over by the time the kids woke up and got them to school for me. By morning I was completely on my death bed.. at one point I remember thinking Id feel so much better if I just died. When you get that irrational, you know your sick. I went to the doc. and they did the swine flew test on me.. a seriously long Q-tip right up my nose.. OUCH.. It felt like it went up to my brain. No swine flu! They drew my blood.. it was some sort of bacterial infection and the cause is still unknown. Weird! All I can say is THANK GOODNESS for Anitibiotics.. body aches gone the next day and by Friday I actually got out of bed to go on my "date" with my baby boy, I didn't feel well enough to go but I couldn't let him down. Dave took over with the kids so I could recover over the Valentines weekend.

Ingredient to Limeade: It is a great excuse for not having had a date on Valentines.. "uhh I was sick!"

Scary Medieval Men and A Valentines Date...

2010-02-13T10:20:00.000-08:00

I had a scary dream about mid-evil men trying to break into my house.. Oh it was scary because it seemed so real. You know how dreams can be so convincing at night but when you wake up it almost embarrassing that it was scary.

The medieval men were breaking through the door so I was leaning against it and I'd open it quick.. yell and shut it fast.. I held them out somehow.

I went upstairs to sleep with the kids(because they'll save me right?!).. I moved the dog and crawled in bed with my little boy. That lasted all of 5 minutes after realizing I wouldn't get any sleep at all since he turns into a Mexican jumping bean at night, crawled back out of his bed. I then crawled in my little girls bed and it was a little better since she's not a wiggly sleeper but she kept sleep talking.. I crawled back out of her bed and went back downstairs to face the medieval men of my dreams. Luckly they didn't return.

Why did my kids not wake up as I was in and out of their beds? I was scooting them over.. turning on the light, etc.. they didn't budge. I told my ex husband and he said "It just means they feel safe and have nothing to worry about while they sleep". That made me happy!

Last Valentines I was given these cute little Juicy Couture studs.. I wear them a lot. Duncan asked me why I wear them all the time and if I was going on a date this Valentines with the same guy who gave them to me. I said no.

later in the day I get a text and notice the other texts that were sent from my phone that day, from Duncan.(yes my 6 year old can text.. what is this world coming to?!)

Duncan: "Dad, can I hav sum mony"

Dad: "Why do you need money bud?"

Duncan: "bcuz I ned to tak mom on a date fir Valentines day and I ned to pay fir evrythng."

(we are working on his spelling)

So last night I had a Valentines date with Duncan.. it was so cute that he was so excited about it. He got home from school and went upstair to change, he wanted to put on a tie. I convinced him otherwise. As we were driving down to meet Dad to drop the girls off he asked me if it was ok that when someone asks how old he is tonight, if I would mind telling them he was 7 instead of 6. Does it get any sweeter?! Dave gave him some money and Duncan proudly paid for our dinner. I Love that boy!

Valentines countdown continued..

2010-02-09T22:49:00.000-08:00

I haven't done a good job with my song countdown to Valentimes Day. Did I mention I'm a huge PROCRASTINATOR?! FrUstRatinG.

Next song.. "BE MINE" by David Gray.. his greatest hits album is one of those that you can have playing in the background all day! Love it.

Since I skipped a few days on my so-called countdown, I'll put a few songs up tonight.

If you know me well, you know that MiMi is my all time fav. I tell you.. Im obsessed and have been since I was 12.. "My All" is just one of her great love songs but there are way to many songs to list. You know what.. MiMi is just a whole other post.. Moving on.

"I don't think I will" by James Bonamy. One of the best country love songs ever! Takes me back to High School.. Im sure you all had a song with your first boyfriend.. what were they?

"Life After You" by Daughtry.. What I would give to be in the back of a pick-up truck at a drive-in movie with him. Mmmmm mmmm. HOT!

"Forever" by Ben Harper. Possibly the best song of all.. at least right now. My song favs change daily. Im gonna give this song to my future forever man someday. This song is just so good!

It's late and days for a mommy start early.. Speaking of my kids, aaaaah they have been naughty the last few days.. we all have some serious Spring Fever!! Tomorrow we are going to decorate their Valentimes boxes to take to school.. I remember doing that when I was little, it was so fun. I can't believe I'm doing it again only this time Im the mom.. I Love it!

Reality Check..

2010-02-05T09:35:00.001-08:00

OUCH my knee hurts.. while I was running this morning my knee was aching and all I could think of was how fast my 30th birthday is approaching. Before I know it Im going to be out of my twenties... where the crap has time gone. I noticed I was running fast.. then faster.. then faster, like I was running away from my 30th birthday and the images that were coming to my mind.

Pretty soon this is going to be me..

But hopefully Ill be looking at things like this...

And riding things like this..

Well I still have 6 more months till I'm 30 but its still tooooo close.

Ill keep running to try to beat age..

Wish me luck!

VALENTIMES is coming.. I love Valentimes.

(London says it with an M)

Where is my Valentime? He's missing this year.

I am going to start a song countdown untill Valentimes... Im a sucker for a good love song.

First song on the countdown... is Distance and Time by Alicia Keys. I love it! Its brings a sort of sad feeling in my heart but don't all love songs?! Thats why we like them.

I need to figure out how to get a playlist on my blog.. can anyone tell me how?

Sundance results..

2010-01-31T14:13:00.000-08:00

The weekend at The Sundance Film Festival was a total flop.. for some reasons. It was great on an entertainment level but I was not there for entertainment, I was there to make money. No one tipped! I worked at the red carpet lounge surrounded by guards.. our phones, cameras, and all things personal were confiscated at the door and we were there for one reason only.. to pamper the stars. I don't get super star struck come to find out.. Only celebrity quests and there publicists and also Professional Athletes were allowed through the doors.. the bigger the star, the less they tipped and the more they got for free. It just didn't make sense to me and I was feeling jipped with every free manicure I was giving to the wealthy.. Not to mention, I slid off the road on the way home Friday night and paid $199.00 to get my car towed out of a snowball.. Not the weekend I had in mind.

Ingredient to Limeade: Working for O.P.I at a celebrity event is always a good add to the resume.

Speaking of slipping.. I woke up this morning (Sunday) late and didn't want to go to church but I have noticed a good change in my kids and myself since I began taking them so I drug myself out of bed and we went to church 20 min late.. Of course when you get there that late, the choice of seating is slim and the only available seats were on the front row so thats were we go. I of course can't do anything without a malfunction and today as I was going to sit down I slipped and fell... in front of everyone! I heard the giggles and I wanted to hide. My poor son was horribly embarassed but he was so cute after he saw my red face.. he said "mom don't worry, you don't need to be embarassed". The first thing he did when I actually sat in my seat was grab my phone and text his dad what had just happened. On the bright side..

Limeade ingredient: A friend of mine pointed out.. "at least you didn't fart while you fell". I also brought smiles and entertainment to people during church and for me that is always a much needed place for a little extra entertainment.

Tips please...

2010-01-17T15:38:00.000-08:00

I got selected to be a manicurist for the Sundance Film Festival this year and it starts this week.. It is an O.P.I.. event not open to the public and complimentary to the stars.. Why is it that the stars get everything complimentary when they are the ones with the bucks? At events like the film festivals they walk away with free phones, clothes, makeup.. you name it and they get it for free. This year they get breezy.. I am free to the stars. I better deck out my tip jar and hope they FILL IT UP.

Time for a change of blog..

2010-01-12T16:49:00.000-08:00

Time to change my blogging style.. New Year=New Blog.. My ex said that "he heard" hehe.. Im portraying myself as a victim.. well he would say that since he in-fact is the ex. Either way.. its time to make LEMON AID. I'd prefer LIME AID.

I didn't set any NeW YeaRs ResOluTions this year.. I seem to forget them by early February anyway. What I want to do this year is the Spud Man Triathlon.. I am a terrible swimmer but Im really good at somehow keeping my head above water. I hear that in this particular triathlon the swim part is basically a float down the snake river, I can handle that. If not, Ill be the only one doggy paddling down the snake. Oh well, Im going for it!

For the last few days I've been trying to figure out why I have a blog. I should just write in a journal that I keep all to myself.. The few blogs I keep up on all have a purpose, some are countdown to weddings or babies, others are to keep distant family and friends updated, and then there is NieNie incredibly inspirational journey through her healing process and the sweet love story with Mr. Neilson. I could write like Carrie Bradshaws Sex and the City.. I'll call it.. Sex and the Country, or should I say Lack of Sex and the Country.. throw a few kids in the mix and then write about love. haha I don't think so! Well Im gonna find a purpose for this blog eventually. Until then.. we will see what rolls out of my thoughts and onto my blog.

Pictures from 2009

2010-01-01T16:11:00.000-08:00

London and her princess sidekick

I think I applied sunscreen to my kids 10,000 times..

What a moment to capture.. cousins happy to be together.
At my nieces grave on her birthday.. sending balloons to heaven.
Bugs... so fun!
Another great moment to captured...

2010-01-01T15:57:00.001-08:00

Our first 3D Experience.. Duncan in these glasses cracked me up!!
Momma and Wonders...
Trip to Mexico...
Holloween.. if you couldn't already tell:)
Road trip with Kristi..
Lily learned to ride her bike.. so proud of that girl!
Have no words for this photo besides... holy freakin cute!!!
Lily on her first day of Kindergarten...
Duncan about to take to the town after a tune up by our great neighbor Roger..
Sending more balloons to heaven on Nicks birthday.. Duncan didn't want to leave out his lizard we lost this year so a balloon or two went to Peter the Lizard.

Posing for a painting..

2nd to last..

2009-12-25T15:53:00.000-08:00

The picture below is me straight out of bed.. no judging. Also don't mind the chocolate on my sleep from the chocolate fountain from the night before.

January to December.. 2009.

Are you prepared? its been a wild year..

Made new years resolutions to drink more water, say more prayer, have more patience, save more money, smile. Still wanting to drink more water, say more prayers, have more patience and save more money. I smiled a lot this year... I frowned a lot this year. I cried tears of happiness and many of sadness... never of pain {I yell bad words when Im hurt instead}.. maybe a tear or two of pain. I found out I am the ONLY one who decides my fait! I lived a lot, I loved a lot and yes.. I danced a lot.. a little on nights out I am choosing to forget and a little dancing I hope to never forget.. with my 2 little girls to Miley Cirus "Party in the U.S.A".. Put your hands up their playin my song, butterfly fly away... best song ever! I ran ran ran my little heart out and rocked the RAGNAR.. "I know I can, I know I can... I knew I could" the next thing I knew was that I was at the top of a mountain and handing off the baton. Our team was made up of a few hot mammas and 2 male comedians with a mega-phone, and my bestest friend Maleah {I don't remember running as much as I remember laughing}. I ended every night kissing my kids goodnight.. no matter how good or bad life is sometime, as long as my night ends singing my kids goodnight, I know Im doing ok. Said goodbye for now to Grandparents and welcomed new life into the family. Loved someone and lost someone.. heaven gained an Angel. Drove through the McDonalds drive through approxametly 4,899 times. Broke my addiction to Dr. P and gained an addiction to Rockstar.. so much worse! Felt empty inside and I felt lost, I surrendered and now I feel full. Continue growing my business "Paint My Piggies".. and let me tell ya.. piggies around this town are lookin good! Took a trip to mexico with friends. Took a trip to Moab with the kids. I sang and always do sing my heart out in my car. Lily informed me that her singing is better than mine. Duncan learned to read like a little einstein. Lily became a big brave girl that goes to school without crying and London... she's still the roughest and the toughest! Had to spend a few holidays without my kids.. a crappy part of divorce. We spent Christmas together and thats the most important holiday to me.. watched as these innocent sweet beings left milk and cookies for Santa and grain for the reindeer, I kinda felt guilty.. I lied straight through my teeth when they asked curios questions about how Santa was going to get in our house since we didn't have a fireplace. Put them to bed and sang them Christmas carols and after I knew they were asleep I sat at the kitchen table and cried for a minute.. doing Christmas alone is not easy. Woke up the next morning {Christmas Morning} and watched little eyes light up and held back tears of happiness... There is nothing better than seeing joy in the eyes of little Children and that is what Christmas is all about. We had a great morning and made special memories together, just me and them. Life is good.. Merry Christmas!

The turkey...

2009-11-26T18:30:00.000-08:00

Now I have to tell you all about this turkey.. its gonna sound weird Im sure.

I was born in Utah and just by saying that tells you that Im most likely Mormon.. yes i am. I grew up going to church and living the "typical" Mormon life and before I go on.. I am so very grateful for the foundation it created.

I have never been a big fan of going to church. I feel like I have always felt the spirit in my heart and listen and followed.. sometimes not followed but I consider myself spiritual and have felt like being a good loving kind human being is more important than what religion I might be or anyone else for that matter. Growing up I always depended on my parents testimony and I didn't realize it until I got older and things in my life and in my family changed and I learned to depend on myself. I haven't had much luck with the male species.. now I like to blame them but I am now wondering if its the man picker in me, its off I think. Men in and out of the "church" seem to disappear from my life one way or another.. those that carry the priesthood I see just walk away from their families.. death comes to all but to some it comes too soon. Seems to have all happened to me in the last 2 years, and my heart hardened toward God.

I spent the last week in Mexico laying out for hours everyday and I had a lot of time to think.. I was going over the last 2 years in my head and WOW! I don't know how I survived but I did. There is just one thing missing. I need to trust god and the priesthood and men again, I want to get back to my roots I decided.

Ok now the turkey..

I get home from Mexico and not long after I shut the back door behind me, someone knocked on my front door. I go answere my door and I see 2 men holding a Turkey. It was men from my church and you know what immediatley came to my head when I saw them.. there are 2 men that hold the priesthood and they are at my door bringing me a turkey. I know I stared at them for 30 seconds before a word came out of my mouth.. Because it was 2 priesthood holding men I took it as an answer to everything that was on my mind. It is true.. I need to trust God again and the turkey was a huge start.

Who dropped a bomb in my juicy?

2009-11-01T12:55:00.000-08:00

I love handbags.. My favorite brand in handbags are juicy, MK and of course.. always coach! I wear my bags into the ground. I go from one to the other and just rotate the few nice ones that hold up against the thrash of Bri and if Im lucky, every now and then I get to add one to my rotation. I go for months without switching bags and I am going to show you what decides when it is time to rotate.. Today is rotation day!!

Because... they get so messy I can't find a freaking thing.. I dig for 10 min for my chap stick and 10 min for gum and 10 more for my phone and dont even ask how long I dig for my keys! Why not just clean them out??? I don't know.. I ask myself the same thing. They eventually get cleaned out, only when the last bag looks the same as the others and I have non left to use..

You know those people who just have their crap together and everything is organized.. I want to be one of them! I just never will be though... this picture of my purse is really a picture of me. My house is clean.. just don't open a

drawer. But hey.. the advantage to a purse like this is Ive got just about every random thing you need. Tape, q-tips, a fruit snack.. you want it, I got it.

SO CUTE!!

2009-10-20T18:07:00.000-07:00

I have to share this picture.... It is my friends nephew and just as precious as ever!

A little bittersweet!

2009-10-11T13:25:00.000-07:00

I went to church today for the first time in FOREVER, I had MLB gameday running on my iphone so it wasn't so bad. And the Angels sweep the Sox!!

Church.. why is it so hard for me to sit there?

Speaking of the Angels.. Nick is a happy one right now!

One night Nick and I, a couple of my friends, Jared Weaver and Ben sat at a sushi place called Sting Ray.. Nick ordered one of everything I swear and we sat there forever talking and laughing.

Jared "what would you do if there were a fire here right now?"

Me "Well since we are sitting outside on street level, it would be easy to not get trapped"

We were all so confused at his question

Jared "I would push the red button on the ceiling"

All 6 of us look up

Nick "I don't see a red button"

Jared "Well its right there"

All 6 of us still looking up again and Jared laughed..

That was the most random trick ever played on me!

We finished dinner and all went and hungout at a place called American Junkies.. Nick was so happy that night, he was leaving for LA the next morning to start for the Angels.. Anyone who knew him, knew how goofy he was sometimes. He and I left Junkies that night and he was skipping down the road to the cab.. when we got out of the cab he paid and did his funny run towards the door of the condo and jumped or I should say fell over the bushes that were in the way of his direct rout to the door.. haha

A week later I was standing at Nicks grave.. I stood there and cried and couldn't get myself to walk away from it.. I couldn't imagine leaving him there. My heart was so broken.

When the Angels were in Arizona playing the Diamondbacks earlier this season, I happened to be sitting at Happy Sumo having sushi at the Gateway in Utah and I get a text.

Jared "I am sitting at Sting Ray in Arizona right now"

Me "Really? oh sad! well if there's a fire.. just push the red button on the ceiling"

Jared "Haha.. you remember"

Me "Of course I remember"

It's neat to me to watch Nicks friends on tv play and win.. but its also really depressing! I think its so great how the Angels have made this entire season a tribute to Nick.. They are a team full of class. Who couldn't be an Angels fan now?!

I was sitting at dinner with a friend of mine a couple weeks ago and she said "You might not want to hear this but I need to say it.. you need to get over Nick! I understand its been hard but you are pushing everyone away, including me and I am your best friend"

No one tells you how to get over a divorce or a death.. especially not one right after the other. It's not exactly easy when stories about Nick are still all over the TV and Newspaper.. The Nick in the news seems like a stranger to me.. I miss the Nick that sat down next to me a year and a half ago and talked to me like he had known me forever. It was my first night out with my friends since my divorce was final and his first night in Utah.. By the end of the night he convinced me to give him a kiss on the cheek but he turned his head and I accidentally kissed him on the lips.. haha. His room was so messy it was scary and he was so frustratingly "chill" that it was impossible for him to make a plan ahead of time. It's the Nick that made me open up my mind and heart to the world again.. thats who I miss!

GO ANGELS!!!!

Wonderoo.....

2009-10-11T12:57:00.000-07:00

It's pictures and moments like this that make me smile..

I found my phone behind the couch after a half hour of looking for it and when I turned it on this is what I saw..

Hmmm I wonder who was playing with my phone?

Playdoh hearing aid....

2009-10-10T13:31:00.001-07:00

When we went to Moab last weekend we went some friends that I met a couple months ago.. They are such a cute family! The dad and 2 out of 3 daughters have had hearing loss since birth as well as one of the other friends daughters that went.. and so they wear hearing aids. Duncan LOVED hanging out with Jake (the dad). He followed him around all weekend and called him his buddy... he talked and talked and talked to him without ever realizing he probably wasn't hearing anything he was saying.

Today at school Duncan had to have Playdoh taken out of his ear after he had put it there as a hearing aid..

Kids Rock!!

Some people really suck!!!

2009-10-04T11:58:00.000-07:00

I took the kids to Moab this weekend.. ummm don't suggest doing that without a man to do the dirty work. Lets see.. Took an hour to figure out how to set up the tent, broke my cooler, got a $120 parking ticket(which I am going to fight) for rolling over tumble weeds as I parked (damn national park patrols.. the tumble weeds don't add to the beauty of the arches) apparently I crushed nature.. geeze. I drove off with the back of my car open and my stuff fell out which gave the neighbor campers a good laugh, and my flashlight only worked during the day and not at night hmmmm.. Glad I went with friends that had a camper and a husband I could burrow every now and then(that didn't sound right)...

DON'T YOU MESS WITH MY CUB!!!

We took a hike to delicate arch, it was beautiful. Duncan wanted to go stand under it because he remembers seeing a picture of Dave and I under it.. he and I ran down there and I let him play on the rocks near the arch for a bit. I hear some dude talking to my kid so I listen and hear this.. "you been on dat rock for ten minute, i try to take a photo and you not move. I don't want picture of you, i not care about you, I not give a shit about u."

Wa-wa-what did he just say to my kid? Oh no he didn't!

I ran my ass over to him and got right in this foreigners face and said "Don't you EVER talk to my son like that.. who do you think you are?"

He said "I want a photo and he not move".

"Well excuse my six year old.. and how old are you??" and at this point the dude is walking off with his hands in the air.. "Ya you better walk" I said.

There were people standing around that couldn't believe what he said to Duncan but of course didn't express it until they see me about throw this guy over the edge and they all made a little comment to him. What was the problem with their mouths as the this man was yelling at my child?? seriously.. I don't care who you are.. if you are getting bullied, I got your back!

Some people really suck!

Lauri was a friend we were with and when I told her about it, her husband had to hold her back.

You don't mess with MOMMA BEAERS!!!

I will mention how freakin cute my kid is though... as we were walking on a steep slanted rock to get to the arch Duncan looks at me and said "Mom can you walk on the other side of me because incase you fall I can catch you". He wanted me on the inside so he was on the dangerous side.. Aaaahhh he is a babe!

I wish I knew just what to say to you...

2009-09-30T14:00:00.001-07:00

I don't have answers for anyone because I think all situations in life, as similar to anothers as they may seem.. are always unique. Being surprised with unwanted news and events that turns your world as you know it completely upside down, is never something we instantly know how to deal with. The other day I was having a conversation with a guy who said a lot of things that stuck with me.. One is that no matter what we are dealing with, no one can ever take away our freedom of choice. Most of the time we don't choose what happens to us but we choose how we react and handle the situation. I have not always handled situations the way I look back and wish I would have (hardly ever do I look back and not want to change something) but I learned from it and I move on and try harder the next time. Ive learned over the last year or so that the more chill I am about the situation, the more I get what I want.

When my ex and I split up, I was heart broken over the reasons why. I could feel myself dying, and I literally thought I might. I used my words to try to hurt him back, it didn't work! I just got hurtful words back that made things so much harder on myself. It took a long time but the second I decided to be happy and move on with my life, I got the reaction from him I had been looking for, I finally saw sadness in his eyes. A functional relationship started to form and for once I could see that he finally knew he screwed up. To0 late!! I had finally found comfort in being alone and he could see it. I got all the apologies and tears of regret from him I ever wanted. It has changed the way I see relationships of all kinds and if I thought for a minute that I was safe back in that relationship, Id go for it.. Many clients have sat at my desk and listened me have conversations with my ex about our kids schedule, money etc.. and the second I hang up they say "that is awesome you guys can talk to each other like that". Its not always that way believe me and it takes time to get there... I have my moment thats for sure! But all things aside.. I know that when my kids are older, I want MORE THAN ANYTHING, for them to look back and be able to see that although the marriage didn't work... we put problems aside and got along for them.

We all have strength.. I have no more than anyone else.. you just gotta dig in and find it!

"When the evening rolls around, I go on home and lay my body down.. And when the morning light comes streamin it, I get up and do it again." - Jackson Browne

I love the emails and facebook messages I have been getting about my posts.. so feel free to keep 'em coming..

briannesitterud@mac.com

Falling for fall..

2009-09-28T08:37:00.000-07:00

It is soooo pretty outside! I realize I take where I live for granted a lot because its what Ive always known.. When you see things everyday you tend to see through the beauty and its becomes just plain regular(I think we do that with many things in our lives). A friend and I drove up and over the mountain past Cascade Springs then down into American Fork Canyon yesterday.. I also made the same drive twice last week so its safe to say Im a little obsessed with fall. We hiked up to timp cave and took the little guided tour through it since he had never done it before. There are so many different people from near and far that come to see our Utah mountains.. we passed people who live local and some that lived in places as far as Switzerland and Korea... also our tour guide said she grew up "inside the cave". Not sure that I believe her :0)

I think we are a good week or 2 until all the leaves are changed and the color is at its prime.. The best is still yet to come. Its just a shame that Winter follows Fall!

I'm fearless..

2009-09-15T17:27:00.000-07:00

Do any of you read "NieNie"? It's amazing and I highly suggest reading her blog.

Tears come to my eyes every time I tune into "NieNie". She was in a airplane accident with her husband and they both survived but were badly burned. NieNie was burned over most of her body and much of her posting has to do with having to find herself again... she is the same women she has always been yet she doesn't recognize the women in the mirror. When she looks at her kids she remember the reason for her mortal existence. One post that has always stuck with me was a picture of her toes.. that is all she wanted to show. Day by day and post by post she has revealed more of her and her husband and recently there was a photo of their faces.. Her pictures and words are so inspiring.

I have no idea the extent of what they must deal with everyday of their lives.. I think all of us are emotionally or physically scarred due to this world we live in, some more than others.

I know that sometimes I look in the mirror and I don't see what others see.. I see what I feel inside and sometimes all I want to show are my toes too. Hopefully we can do what NieNie does and look at what the reasons for our mortal existence are and be glad to be alive.. I know what mine are. First is my kids.. they are my life present and future and because of choices made by another these sweet little things have to start life at such a young age with some scarring.. It is not easy for kids to go through divorce.. It's not easy on anyone but to me what matters most is them. I know I have to heal and function and be happy for them. I have done a pretty good job. Oh boy do I hope they will look back and say the same thing.

Second is me... I exist to be me. To live, to love and to help others.

Third is for the someone whom I have yet to find...

Have you ever listened to Colbie Caillat? She is my Fav!! her new album is sooooooo good!

I love the lyrics to her song "Fearless"

If it's between love and losing

to never have known the feeling

and I'm still sad we've loved

and if I end up lonely

at least I will be there knowing

I believe in love.

Go on, go on break my heart

I'll be ok

I'm fearless, better believe I'm fearless

Theres nothing you can do to me

thats ever gonna burn me.

Im fearless.

My 3...

2009-09-13T16:32:00.001-07:00

We were playing in a water fountain downtown Salt Lake City.

Stupid Girls!!!

2009-09-13T13:13:00.000-07:00

So just some random thought today... Im reading this book a friend gave me called "Why men marry bitches" It is good and funny!!! (Don't judge me.. I have no Cablel TV) I just have a few things to say about it.. In one chapter its telling girls not to be too easy so it keeps the man interested. When it says not to sleep with a guy on the first date.. FOR REAL???? If you need to be told that then you should be reading a different self help book.. how about "How not to be a stupid girl!" My thought was.. if a guy tries to sleep with you on a first date then kick him in the balls and change his name in your contact list to "DONT ANSWER!!"

I will say.. Dating is confusing. You don't show interest and they are all over.. you show interest and they are gone??? I give up! Im not gonna change "me" to "catch and keep" a guy (as the book basically tells you to do). If I like you Ill contact you.. If I don't then I won't! Why doesn't everyone just do that and the confusion would be gone.. simple as that.

You know how many times I'v been asked if Im going to get a boob job now that I'm single.. ????? I like my boobs the way they are (ok a tiny lie.. a little bigger would be nice). Ive never felt the need to change that part of me so why do it..

I find it insane that the girls these days think that big boobs and less clothing will catch the guy. I think its sexy to show a little peekaboo here and there but make him wonder what's under there. Ok enough on the dating frustration!!

Up and at em again...

2009-09-06T19:01:00.000-07:00

I got an email about a week ago that caught me by surprise and completely made my day... It said " I stumbled across your blog and read it top to bottom.. It is refreshing to read stuff when it is real, and not just stuck out there for everyone to read what a perfect life you are trying to portray. Thanks for putting your blog out there."

I have thought about that a lot since and you see on my profile how it says I have been a blogger since 2007.. well I thought about it in 2007 and started reading about everyones "perfect lives" and decided not to blog because I was going through a divorce and couldn't post the "perfect life". How sad that I thought that.. so in 2009, in April when I made my first real post.. i was posting about everything but my "perfect life".. A divorce, a tragic loss of a friend whom I cared about, and my little life as a single mom. The more I write the more I see that what is the "perfect life"? Just because Im not posting pics of my husband snuggling my baby or talking about evening walks as a family doesn't mean its not "perfect". I have a good job, the greatest kids, and friends and family that rock!! What else could one ask for.

Thanks for the positive responses to my blog. I will continue to post about my "less the perfect" yet happy life.

Temporarily out of order...

2009-08-29T13:30:00.000-07:00

I moved and my Internet is not working at the house yet so my blogging is temporarily out of order... I have a lot on my mind so keep checking back. Ill post a random pic with this message just for the fun of it!

Nothing like my sweet baby lovin life in a messy toy room with underwear on her head.. haha
(she was 2 in this picture.. she just had her 4th birthday)

32/34

2009-08-19T14:04:00.001-07:00

The Kids and I... 24th of July celebration at the baseball field. We went through the dugout and watched the fireworks from the infield.. I have great friends!

My Babies...

2009-08-06T20:32:00.000-07:00

We all wish money grew on a tree, unfortunately it doesn't. What about patients.. right now I wish that grew on a tree. I guess technically you can get patients in a bottle right... the chill pill?! I get home from work worn out and feeling emotionally tired from worrying about my kids with a sitter all day. Lucky for me, my kids are only with other family members while I work but it is still so hard to leave them.. Look at those kids.. they are amazing and beautiful and I love them, they are my babies.

Ting Tings of SLC (watch it on youtube).

2009-07-23T22:48:00.000-07:00

What do I do while my kids are away with their dad??? a lot of people ask me that question and I usually can't come up with anything specific. Usually I have a main squeeze (not boyfriend.... never boyfriend! Why does that word scare me??) that I usually hang with but as of the last couple weeks I have hit a real dry spell. I am done spending my few hours a week of free time with guys I don't really absolutely LOVE investing my time in so I stopped... well that left me with hmmmmmm no one. (I hope hope hope what I just said doesn't put me in a whole I have to dig myself out of with someone)

I finally have an answer to the question everyone asks. The first long weekend I've had without my kids.. I created this blog and holy hell did that ever get me into some trouble with my ex by the end of my weekend(it's probably going to again).. I wrote a post that didn't go over well but hey.. it was the truth. I had a few mix ups on my facts though, I said he met his girlfriend while she was prego.. I thought that was a true fact because he did date a pregnant girl when we separated, it just isn't his current girlfriend.. it was another prego girl... OOOOPS MY BAD!

The latest long weekend without my kids I became the manager/video producer of a pOp GroUp call Ting Tings of SLC.. We made a sweeeeet video that was a hit on youtube.. to our friends, boyfriends, husbands anyway. We have almost beat out the "getting to know the BEES" video and its been up a year and ours has been up a few days... sorry boys, your wives are way more popular. So this is what the girls do while their husbands are on the road playing baseball and what I do when my kids are out of town... Ill admit I was a little embarrassed to hear that by the end of the night we produced this video that the whole team and coaches had already watched it.. Candice.. Lindsay.. and Darcy rocked it! Myla and I made it possible..

The truth is I usually work when they are gone and am somewhat responsible.. but here are a few pics from one eventful night of good fun..

No sweeter ending..

2009-07-14T23:33:00.000-07:00

You know when you wake up in the morning and you clearly remember your dreams from that night and then all day long you can't stop thinking about them.. I remember in High School I would have these dreams about this girl that made it clear she had a crush on my boyfriend and I would wake up so mad at her I wanted to kick her in the shins all day.. That happened to me last night.. I've fought back the tears all day because of my dreams last night so now I am making a emotional post that I am going to want to delete in the morning.. I know it!

I don't know what it is about this certain place I like to go but it seems like I have some of my best moments there.. (outside of my "mommy moments" of corse)

It's where my "angel on the mound" story/post began and now it is where it ended.. I was sitting with some friends when a guy I recognized came and sat down by me and asked if I remembered him, I said yes as I realized who he was... He was visiting for a while from LA last year when I met him and I remember him telling me he had heard all about me.. Obviously whatever he had heard had come from Nick. I decided I'd leave it at that, i didn't want to know what he had said. On this particular night just this past month he was here visiting from LA again and he told me he had something very special to tell me, he said "when he told me about you he said you were the most wonderful damned girl of his life". To me... it couldn't be a sweeter ending considering that Nick was hit and killed by a drunk driver almost 4 months ago.

Although we meet people through out our life that we know are only there temporarily... they are there for a reason. I always said I wouldn't end up with Nick.. he was just entering the beginning of his life.. or I guess I should say he was just entering his dream and I knew that.. He had the whole world at his fingertips... I knew I couldn't be a part of it for long so enjoy it while it lasted.. I always felt like I had all this love stored up for him that I would never be able to give him.. I'm talking about the kind of love you have for someone that you want them to take flight and be the best and for them to know they're the best and live the most amazing life even if it doesn't include you..

Aside from that, these past 2 years I have learned so much about LOVE.. It is what we all want yet it is also what hurts us the most.. It's the kind of feeling that even if the love ends in a painful way that you would never undo it because you felt LOVE.. It is something we take for granted.. There is only one better feeling then knowing someone loves you and that is the feeling of loving someone else..

I look back and can recognize moment where I took it for granted.. I wish I could take those moments back, but I can't so now... I look to the future and recognize now, that I have so much to look forward to... EVEN IF I AM TURNING 29 ON SUNDAY AAAAAAHHHHH!!!

Backyard camp out....

2009-07-12T22:51:00.000-07:00

Yesterday evening was a great one.. The kids and I went to my friends house with a couple other girls and their kids and we all had a camp out... tents and all. The camp out included a beautiful campfire run by gas and a hot tub, sparklers for the kids, a bbq and good food. We were really roughing it! There is nothing better then watching my kids climbing on rocks, looking for bugs and having fun outside in fresh air.

3 out of 4 of us are single mothers and the one thats not.. her husband got the heck out of there! This single mother thing is becoming an epidemic.. I hate being a part of the club.

I miss my family, I miss my house, I miss playing outside with the kids waiting for daddy to come home, I miss my complete family! I tell myself that it's better this way but sometime when I'm feeling sorry for myself, it's hard not to think that I could put up and deal with the reasons we got divorced just so we were a complete family. I know better but there are moments where I want to let go of my strength and just be weak..

I don't want to do it alone! The way it's looking so far.. I just might be, pickins are slim for a mother of 3 but I will never settle! I am strong. Like I always tell myself.. "True strength comes from within, not from a gym. I can do anything!". I love my Kids.

I love what I do...

2009-07-11T12:56:00.000-07:00

Here are a few photos of a wedding I planned a decorated.. I love making things pretty. My passion is Home design and decor.. I LOVE IT! I attended the Interior Design Institute in Newport Beach, CA. I love making things pretty and helping others make things pretty...

Currently I have a little business called Paint My Piggies.. (I do nails) I love my job! I have so many great clients who I also call my friends.. During this economic crisis my business has stayed busy and I consider that a blessing. Need any design tips or just a cute set of nails... Im here :)

"Hyde" couldn't "Hide"

2009-07-08T21:49:00.000-07:00

July 4, 2009

A great day to watch baseball... I was headed to the BEES game that night to relax and watch some fireworks. I'm spoiled with tickets from a friend who plays so my seats are always above home plate along with other friends and family and those players who aren't playing that night. I've met some great girls who are there to watch their husbands play so next to them was where my friend and I were planning on sitting. I get my tickets from Will Call and we see that our seats are a few rows away from the normal spot we sit so we decide once the games been going for a while then we will move to empty seats next to the other girls.

You can't sit at a ball game with out cotton candy and a drink so we stock up and go find our seat.. we just so happen to be seated with all the guys that aren't playing that night and are taking stats. We are staring at the speed guns they use to clock each pitch and at the same time trying to keep our heads out of the way of the gun that is poking just between our two heads far enough up that i catch a glimpse of it every 30 seconds out of the corner of my eye.. the whole time I'm hearing "88" "91" "89" "92" etc.. etc.. etc..

A few minutes into the game, I notice everyone is staring in my direction. I wipe my face with my hand and look down to make sure I don't have something stuck to me or out of place that everyone is looking at and then I realize they are staring at the curly haired kid sitting by me.. so I stare for a second. It's Hyde from That 70's Show.. "Oh hey Danny.. this is gonna be entertaining sitting by you" I said. Oh entertaining to say the least.. 12 inning into the game (yes 12!!! meaning about 4 hours) it becomes obnoxious. Not only am I dodging the speed clock guns (or whatever they're called) but I have kids climbing over my lap to get a photo with "Hyde". Every 2 minutes someone walked up and said "Are you Hyde from That 70's Show?" or someone was asking for an autograph or taking photos with their cell phones as they walked by. Lets not forget the mysterious liquid that spilled from the section above us directly into my friends hair..I don't know how Danny goes anywhere?! I imagine my 15 minutes of fame that we all dream of and then I think back on the 4 hours of watching "Hyde" get harassed and that 15 minutes doesn't sound so fun after all. He handled it very well of course.. that kind of thing comes along with his rewarding and glamorous job. He did tell me to flash gang signs to scare them away but I don't know any.

The girls ended up finding empty seats next to us a couple innings into the game, right in the middle of the action! Needless to say.. we all had a very fun night of "Baseball.. Fireworks.. and Fame".

Lessons learned....

2009-07-06T15:40:00.000-07:00

I learned today that blogs spread like wildfire.. I thought I had "just another blog". Apparently by morning my post from last night had caused a stir. I need to make a correction. First of all this blog is based on my life, not necessarily fact for fact (except my "Angel on the mound" post, that was fact for fact).. they didn't drive into my driveway but a gas station driveway.. I have changed a few things in my last post but the truth will always remain...

One thing will never change....

2009-07-05T18:31:00.000-07:00

"Just don't let her mother them" is what I said to my ex husband as he pulled out of the driveway with our three kids and his new girlfriend... and her 7 month old baby?! They were headed to a family reunion of his in Star Valley, Wyoming.

As the car with my Ex.. his girfriend and her baby.. and my three kids.. drives away, my heart fell to the floor. My one fear in life is ever loosing my children.. not just to death.. but to anything including to someone else. I know I'll always be my son and daughters mother and nothing and no one can ever change that.. but at the time I felt such a loneliness as they drove away.. I felt worlds apart from them and it scared me. I have faith that all I can do is create a stable home full of a Mothers Love and that will always be enough.

As that car pulled back up the driveway and my three kids got out of that car and ran to me.. I felt happiness and pure relief to say the least.. We belong together and four days apart was way to long.. Them leaving for days at a time will happen often given the situation and because infact we are a "Broken" family.. but one thing will never change and that is the heaven sent truth that... I AM THEIR MOTHER!!!

Scroll down..

2009-07-03T22:53:00.000-07:00

On a more personal note.. Read my first couple posts. They are buried behind all these great photos.

2009-07-03T22:50:00.000-07:00

A look into my life...

2009-07-03T22:36:00.002-07:00

I wont normally post this many photos at once but Ill start off with a little look into my family. Some are Me.. how I dream of dressing more often and the impression I could give off as I walk down the street or when someone drops by my home unexpectedly.. as if I slept with a sleeping princess mask on and got a full nights rest without interruption. Really??? i wish.. take a look at the next photo and you'll see the real me. OK so those photos are at the extreme end of each spectrum.. Im usually somewhere in the middle.

The photos of my kids are priceless to me.. some are more recent then others but each picture shows a little of their personality.. London for instance.. the day she walked and the distructive

look on her face.. the more recent ones of her smothered in makeup and one of her peacefully sleeping because that is the only times I can take a good look at her beautiful face.. she is my little wild child.. my free spirit.. she is her mothers daughter. Enjoy!

My potential...

2009-07-03T22:36:00.001-07:00

Lets be honest here.. Im a mother of 3 and they were all born during a 2 year span.. Nope no twins, cut me some slack:0)

2009-07-03T22:32:00.000-07:00

London...

2009-07-03T22:29:00.001-07:00

Lily...

2009-07-03T22:26:00.001-07:00

Duncan..

2009-07-03T22:19:00.000-07:00

Photos of me and my three...

2009-07-03T22:14:00.000-07:00

Here is a little look into our life..

An Angel On The Mound... And In My Life!

2009-07-02T23:11:00.000-07:00

SOoo I know I said I was really excited to join the Blogger family and then didn't post again untill now.. only 6 months :0) thats about the typical time between post for most bloggers right?! Anyhow.. I am excited to be back.

Tonight I went to dinner with 2 girls.. Candice Coon and Lori Wilson ;0) and then Darcy joined us later in the evening. I was a little nervous to begin with.. given the way Candice and I met, I have always cared about what she would think about me once we met in person.

Candice is Brad Coons wife.. Brad Coon was Nick Adenharts best friend... I dated Nick Adenhart all last baseball season. Brad and Nick are both baseball player for the Las Angeles Angels organization.. They both played for the Salt Lake BEES, the Angels triple A affiliate last season both awaiting the call.. Nick was a pitcher.. Brad is an outfielder.. both amazing players! For the most part you didn't see one with out the other with the exception of the month or so Brad spent rehabilitating an injury... as childish as it sounds, they were BFF's Best Friends Forever! Not far into the 2008 season, Nick got the call.. he made his major league debut May 5th 2008 at the young age of 21.. Incredible!!! Nerves got the best of him and he struggled while he was up there and soon came back to the BEES.. He was never one to wear his emotions on his sleeve, he came back as his normal infectious lovable self but couldn't quit recover and ended the season as low as he had been in a long long time.. 9-13 5.76 ERA

As you all may know and the few that don't, Nick made an AMAZING comeback. He pitched a killer spring training and made the Angels starting rotation and would go straight to Anaheim from Arizona to begin the 2009 season as a major league STARTING PITCHER at the age of 22.. Amazing!

Thursday late morning on April 3rd... I kiss him goodbye...

Wednesday April 8th Nick Adenhart is the starting pitcher against the Oakland A's for his major league season debut. Ironically enough, Nick pitched against the Oakland A's for his first major league debut.. in which it was not a great game to say the least. As I started to watch the game that night I wondered if it would be disturbing to Nick as he is trying to make a standout second impression.. to be pitching against the same team where he didn't exactly make his dream first impression.. I wondered if it would mess with his mind and screw up his second chance. Wow did he ever prove that he had learned and can achieve "rising above"... he pitched a shutout 6 innings that night.. 60+ of his 90+ pitches were in the strike zone... and to top it all off with the cherry, his dad was in the stands. Nick was an angel on the mound that night. I hear and don't quote me.. as he walked into the clubhouse from the dugout he was greeted with the words he had worked his whole life to hear.. "Welcome to the big leagues"

As life sometime takes the most unexpected turns.. Nick was killed that night only a few short hours after he walked off the mound. Nick a 3 friends were headed out to celebrate his "arrival" and the car they were riding in was hit by a drunk driver that ran a red light.. 3 out of the 4 in the vehicle were killed.. Nick Adenhart being one of them. Some call it a tragedy.. I say that word doesn't even begin to describe it.

My first post (back when the new year began) said that I was excited to say goodbye to the past year and start a new one because it seemed that last year was a year of life changing events that weren't exactly prime or opportune and a new one felt like a new start.. My new year didn't exactly go as bright and shiny as I was hoping given the fact that I lost someone special to me.. I can look at it as a huge loss and feel sorry for myself or I can look at it like this...

A gift..

Nick came into my life during a time I needed "a gift" the most. That night and every day and night after I tried to convince myself he was a good "friend" a "summer fling" but the truth is.. I fell! He lifted my head out of a dark cloud and I saw the light again.. I felt feelings I hadn't felt in a long time.. he made me laugh.. he made me smile.. he made me happy ! I now see him as a gift and I think about him now and I say to myself "lucky me.. lucky me!"

Late Thursday morning on April 3rd as he was getting in the cab that would take him to the airport in Arizona to catch his flight to LA.. I said to him "I feel like Im never going to see you again" then came... The Last Kiss... God gave me my goodbye.

Needless to say.. tonights dinner with the girs was a blast, thats just what happens when you get a few fun girls together though.. We did a little "Paint My Piggies"... We all ended the night with glamorous sparkly toes! .... and forzen yogurt:)

Goodbye 2008

2008-12-31T00:41:00.000-08:00

It is time to say goodbye to another year... I am not sad to say goodbye to 2008 at all, it has been a rough one so I am happy to see it go. What I am sad about is another year gone by means my babies are a year older.

I have gone back and forth about becoming a "blogger", I don't fit the typical "blogger" description but I am sick of Facebook.. who can really be a good friend to 200 friends at a time? Its not family friendly. Needless to say I have joined the "blogger" family and am excited to see pictures and read about my friends families. Maybe I will even make new friends along the way.

A little about "me"

I love my kids!!! who doesn't? Duncan is 5 and he is my angel.. everyone tells me how hard their boys are but not mine.. yes he is a boy so he can be rough but he is the sweetest thing alive! Duncan is a protector... he sticks up for the less likely to be liked and roots for the underdog ALWAYS! he's got my back... i don't have a choice. I LOVE HIM!

Lily Breeze is 4.. she thinks she's 20, oh no! Lily wants her hair done perfect, wants makeup and perfume on. It is a fight everyday why I do other girls nails long but I won't make hers long.. (I do nails) She makes her bed the minute she gets up and if someone messes it up we are all in trouble. Lily could follow me around all day and be happy, she loves her mommy! and I LOVE HER!

London is 3... she is the baby and we are all scared of her LOL she is rough and tough and can take us all down, she is so cute that we let her. She colors on everything and still wont leave her hair in a clip or a bow... she is a walking tornado! I LOVE HER!!

I am me :) Brianne Duncan Sitterud.

I am a happy person! I have had sad times but I always pull through.. I have a great family and great friends. I am a strong person! I am a single mom and I am strong for them. Strength comes from within... not the kind that comes from the gym. I hate the gym, I don't like the thought of breathing everyones breathe.. yuck! I like to run, I run run run. I love to be with friends yet I also love to be alone... I can go to a movie or go shopping alone and be perfectly happy :) I love art, its in my blood i guess. I love artistic people! I want to be more helpful to others. I like to color with my kids, it's fun and they love it when I color with them. I am happy when I am outside!!

We had a very fun and happy Christmas! I hope you all did.. Merry late Christmas!